Lost In The Residential School Hallways

It is said once you can think of an event, a heart breaking event and not shed tears, you have dealt with it and have closure. I don’t know if I ever will be able to think of an ojibway boy child, lost and abused in the halls of a residential school and not shed tears, especially since that boy child grew up to be, my father.

His spirit was left in those hallways and I don’t think he was ever able to retrieve it before he parted this earth in 2006.

As an adult now, I can understand how he lived his years trying to prove his worth and trying to prove it to himself was the greatest struggle of all.

I know he was not all he could of been, as a man, as a husband and father, yet I know he did his personal best and for that, I love him. But my heart will always ache for the boy inside the man.

Thinking of you Dad, always. ..rest in peace.

..

Smudging For Peace

After a rough couple weeks & praying to Mom-Dad-Joey, my Mother come through someone else and told me what I had to do. …with the help of a sister in law’s guidance, I smudged a feast plate, myself and my entire apartment,(for 3 nights I will do this) with windows wide open and a fresh breeze coming in..I hung another dreamcatcher.. relaxing now with a fresh cup of coffee & thankful for so many people and things in my life…. Always speak to The Creator and those loved ones who have passed over, as well as Mother Earth.. your thoughts will be answered.. just remember to always give thanks for what and who you have in your life as you do.

Do You Need Money?

“The Creator does not need money.. actually “man” does not need money to exist on this earth either. But the greed of man and the need to be the best with the best has over run 3 simple needs… respect.. the barter system and inner peace. Today’s greed has made it pretty much impossible many to live off the grid. And just be happy waking in the morning, tending to the earth around them, so the earth awards us with food and water.. what does any person take with them to the grave? Not one thing.. nothing… you come into this world empty handed, you leave this world empty handed.. it’s time to appreciate the, “pause” , and respect life between those 2 life events… birth and death. The more I look into my culture and ancestry of Ojibway, the first peoples of Canada, how beautiful life was back in the beginning.. until religion came knocking at the door, on the shores.” – Snowy Solomon

I AM Proud

I have been on a spiritual path for 11 years now. I did not know till I was a teen that I am half ojibway native on Dads side and half French from Moms side.

My father did not talk about being a native man when I was growing up, I did not see, as a child, single out, a native child in the neighbourhood. As a child, to me, we were just all people. I did not know what my father went through as a native child in northern Ontario Canada.

One day, still in my teen years, he presented me with a laminated card that stated I was a native in the eyes of the Canadian government. When I asked him what was the card for, all he said, was, if you want a higher education or need medication, it will be covered. He told me that I was going to sit before a group of native people on the First Nation and asked questions about what I want from this first^t nations and what could I bring to the reservation. I recall that day very clear, still not clear on what I was doing there or what was about to happen. I was brought into a room with a large table and there were native elders sitting around that table. With quiet voices, I was spoken to in what was the ojibway language, I was asked questions, in the language. There was an English speaking person who repeated the questions quietly to me and I answered what I thought was right answers. I was lost.

For years, to my knowledge I belonged to the reservation according to Dad, cause that is where he and his father come from.

At that time in my life, I did not feel any different or did not know if I was, because I was not talked to about my heritage by anyone on Dads side, nor did we participate in any FN events. I was lost.

11 years ago, I started a spiritual path and I found a lot of the native teachings were working for me. I learnt the majority at a place I worked at, I started to understand but knew there was so much still to learn.

So with each new thing I learnt, I shared through out my writings. The beliefs got me through so much hardships over the years and I began to feel like I was an ojibway man’s daughter. I was and am proud to be my fathers daughter. But life is funny, recently I am questioning my faith once again. And it was more evident when I was told I am half breed, and that my French heritage seemed stronger than my native heritage.

I have always seen my native heritage as being the kinder part of myself, it is the spiritual part that made me feel whole.

I don’t know if I would be alive today if it were not for my native spiritual self.

I gained a new respect for my father, I began to understand who is was as a child many years ago to the adult he grew to be.

I may not speak the ojibway language or live on a first nations community, yet I try to respect the teachings when I am presented with them.

There is a bit of a tug of war going on within me now that I was called a half breed, but again, that is just a label.. I am me, I am a child of the Creator, I am my fathers daughter at the end of the day and no matter who may criticize the native man, woman or child, there is no one that can take away, who they are, who I am, mind, body, soul and spirit.. I shall feed my wonder, my inner peace with the grace of the Creator, as He sees fit.