HARD CANDY CHRISTMAS

Tis the season.. So much cheer!.. It is time for family and friends feasting and frolicking, gift giving and under mistletoe kissing!

One thing no one likes to think of is if a loved one is spending any of the time over the holidays, alone. For most of us we have big enough families and a great amount of friends that we don’t have to be alone…I will be spending Christmas Eve with my children, which I look forward to… However!!.. Speaking as a single person 9 years now, apart from spending that day with my children, there has been years where I have wanted to just stay home the rest of the time by myself.

Not lonely.. And it is hard for some to understand that many singles don’t care to be in the company of a bunch of couples..lol..especially New Years Eve.. Blah. J

I have had this talk already this past month with other singles at how it is no fun being in a couple mixed dinner every day for a week over the holidays

Don’t get us singles wrong.. We envy you couples and think it is great that you have each other, but at this time of year, it is so evident that we are. Singled out. J

I have spent a few of the past 9 years at home by myself on Christmas day, no one the wiser about it, because I know there is a few who will insist I come to their home and I love them for it, but I rather stay home, eat some left overs I brought from the kids dinner or cook a burger, watch movies, do some writing or reading and let the day(s) go by without feeling.. ALONE IN A CROWD..

So if someone you know, single, thanks you for an invite to your dinner but denies it, just don’t take it personally.. It is what it is….

HUMAN KINDNESS IS ACKNOWLEDGED AND VALIDATED

Acknowledgment ..the action of expressing or displaying gratitude or appreciation for something.

Validate: to confirm

If we acknowledge other people, we are saying, I get you. We are telling them we understand who they are, what they are saying, we are totally understanding where they are coming from. Because we have taken the time to understand. There is that big word again, understand. I don’t think there is a great amount of people who don’t want to be understood and most of the time it is a small act that can validate the other person, a nod, a smile, a thank you. But if we stand in front of a person looking like a deer in headlights, surely the other person is going to wonder why their feelings are not being validate or acknowledged.

A relationship has to be cultivated. In other words if we don’t overturn the soil in a garden each year before we begin planting the seeds, the soil becomes stagnate. It needs to be fertilized and we as humans have the free will to overturn and fertilize all our relationships by validating each other, by acknowledging each other to some degree.

Sometimes to be acknowledged can be uncomfortable for the receiver, because it is so personal. It is a reflection of that person and at times we may not want to look inward, when we get so use to seeing ourselves in one particular way or learnt to be one particular way.

But if we keep in mind, like all the seeds in our garden, they do need sunshine and water to grow to be all they can be, like a child needs love and counts on we as adults to provide the necessities of life for them to grow, we as adults never stop growing, we evolve daily, in relationships or just for ourselves, for the better of both..

By remembering 2 little words..

Acknowledgement and Validate.

Where Do Ducks Go In The Winter ?

Where do Ducks go in the Winter ?, a famous question from a great book…

The Catcher in the Rye is a 1951 novel by J.D. Salinger.  A controversial novel originally published for adults, it has since become popular with adolescent readers for its themes of teenage angst and  alienation.  The novel also deals with complex issues of identity , belonging, loss and connection.

There is so many stages in our lives, so many changes and we all deal with them differently for the most part.

catcher

A friend of mine would read, The Catcher In The Rye, each time he made a big decision in his life and he could not answer why he did, he just did.

I began to read it and I was really enjoying it, but I set it aside with only 4 chapters left to read and that was 4 years ago. I guess I best pick up the book again and read it from front to back.

When we make changes in our lives, we ask alot of questions, some to others and most to ourselves, the who, whats, wheres and whens. Hopefully able to answer them or have them answered.

That question, “where do ducks go in the winter?”, was my friends way of saying he was going through changes in his life, once again.

We are creatures of habit, do you have something you do, out of habit when you’re going through changes in your life, that help you deal with change?

 

Married Women Of Class

awomanamongmen

For little over an year now, I have regularly went to Tim Horton’s for a morning coffee and met up with 4-7 friends at once. We discuss many subjects, from politics, children, religion, recipes, local events and daily tasks.

The one thing about this coffee group is, I am the only woman who sits on a regular basis. These men are either retired or may be off work that day and can join the group once in a while. The other thing about this gang is, 95% of the men are married and I am not.

Needless to say over the time this has become a regular thing, I know for fact, gossip has reared its ugly head. Which is just that, gossip and lies. I do not want anyone’s husband or any man that may sit at that table. To me they are like brothers.. OLDER brothers.. Ha-ha.

They give me advice, a man’s point of view on different subjects and at times even ask for my point of view, which is not often, because I give my point of view whether they ask for it or not.. J

The married men in the group, do love their wives and have nothing but great things to say about the women in their lives, married or not. This is something I admire so very much. It shows they are men of class. Yes, there are times, teasing about one or the other, being on a short leash, but that is all in fun.

I have not let the local gossip bother me, for 2 reasons, 3 of the spouses of these men, has actually joined the group for a coffee or short visit because they wanted to see who this Cy lady is, which their husband may quote at home or mention in a conversation.

These women are to me.. WOMEN OF CLASS!

Secondly, the men in the group have told me not to worry about the local gossip, it don’t matter what other people say.

Good friends are hard to find at times, male or female and I count my blessings when it comes to great friends, male of female.

I have seen what damage can be done by local gossipers and how they can cause harm to so many people.. IF we let them.

I don’t mind being, just one of the guys. I have no feelings of guilt for having male friends.

Shame on those people who waste time talking nonsense.. Real women raise each other up, not tear them down.

 

 

The Battle Is Over

rest in peace

I have said this before and will say it again…we all leave the battle broken, as does anyone who lives through any kind of trauma…they too come home broken. So how do you piece back together the broken man, woman or child?

First we must know that we will never be the same, even once we begin to put the pieces together, but through those cracks in our armour, little rays of light shine, rays of survival, rays of knowledge, that we can share with all those around us.

HE only sends his greatest soldiers into battle and to be whole again, there is something we have to do. To get over the stresses of battle, there is something we have to do. And it is something no one wants to do, because we don’t want to revisit that battle or battles.

It is.. Returning to the battle and retrieving your soul. We leave our souls in the battle field and come back, return home, live life, with a great sense of emptiness, because our souls are left on that battle field. So how do we retrieve our souls?

Admittance we feel empty, acceptance of help to regain the strength needed to retrieve and the greatest tool will be forgiveness..

To forgive ourselves first, then to forgive who we battled with, or what we battled with.. It’s okay to ask for help to return to get what is rightfully yours.. Your soul on the battle field.. Just ask.. And the Creator will send you help, because the battle is over and there is a brother or sister that will hold your hand, there is a spirit guide to map the way for you and once you do retrieve your lost soul, from the battle field..

There will be, only then, there will be.. Peace within.