Where She Is, I Was, I Am

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She said, “​I feel every loss in my life that my spirit is so lost at times.”, when I asked, “Have you ever been so sad, that it physically hurts inside?”
Little did I know her answer, her reality, would reawaken an old ghost in my being, an old ghost that I thought I had laid to rest. This message on paper is my attempt at laying to rest once again that old ghost and to do that, I have to return to what was in the past, who was in my past and that which haunted me.
I begin to see that little girl of yester years, as she stood there dressed in her white cotton dress and boots, a mere 2 foot tall being, the spiraling winds of life swirling around her, lifting to the wind the loose tresses from the pinned bun atop her head. Her hands clasped together in front of her, no tears, she only looks to the sky and awaits for the winds to lift her to what or who was ever there. But all she could hear was the load voices of grown ups, yelling in madness, crying words she did not understand. She opens her hands, raising her arms to the sky, like wings. She waited for the winds to grab hold of her and take her away. She closed her eyes, brought her hands in a clasp over her head as the winds grew stronger. “Keep your eyes closed child, but keep your heart wide open!” was the words she heard in the winds at that moment. Slowly she began to feel herself being raised from the ground she stood……….she was lost… to the world.
I lived my life, with all it’s challenges, with all its blessings, I lived, but there was days, I did feel lost and waiting to be found. Then one day, something had died inside of me. I now was mourning something or someone I did not know, or did I? In that struggle of not wanting to feel that pain, I suppressed it, more and more each day, until I was a little child again and the only emotion was, grief, such an outpouring of grief. Like fireflies swarming around my head, all life’s trials and tribulations flickered through my mind! I opened my eyes, once again, I was that little girl, but she was not being uplifted by the winds, she was being brought back to earth at a rapid pace. Her little body shifting, tossing, being thrown about in the winds current. Then all of the sudden, the raging winds calmed, her body come within mere inches of the earths ground, slowly, like she was laying atop a cloud on her back, arms spread to their extent on each side of her, her body spun slowly, around and around for what seemed like an eternity… then the wind calmed even more, she felt the cool grasses on her back, she had touched the earth. She opened her eyes slowly….as she raised herself into a sitting position……….
She sees a young woman sitting at a table, with her head laid atop her crossed arms, she was crying and through the sobs and tears was asking, “What do I do?”, over and over she asked.  The skies opened up above them both, the brightest of light came through the clouds, so bright, neither could challenge it even with a squinting eyes. They both felt the warmth of the light upon their skin, the tingle of every nerve under their skin, the weightless of burdens released, then a voice. Not a voice you can hear with your ears, but one you can only hear with your heart..”for every burden you have endured, you gained 3 blessings. Now go and count them.”  She had just been touched by Spirit.
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As I sit atop my bed and type these words on my laptop, I have earbuds in, listening to the same album I use to listen to years ago, that aided me in getting my thoughts down on paper,  Sacred Spirit – Chants and Dances of the Native Americans Vol 1.. every few minutes I take my fingers away, from the keyboard to rock my upper body back and forth as I sit in a cross legged position.​ My eyes are closed when I type, only opening to sit back, closing again, as I rock to the sound of the music being generated into my mind and those nerve endings through out my body, tingle. At this point, I know I am embraced by Spirit, this I count as, blessing number one……
.. I will continue this story in my next post. I want to enjoy this feeling of Spirit, while it is here within.
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Charlie Died Today

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Charlie died today. He was the family pet of my daughters. My heart aches for my 2 grandchildren this evening, because they are engulfed in grief of having to say goodbye to their sweet Charlie. I hate that they have to go through this. They are too young to feel such pain of death. And there is nothing I can do, or their Mom can do, except hug them and let their tears flow.

Life can be so cruel some times. 😦

 

 

Time Escapes Me!

I haven’t written any poetry in a while, but this morning over coffee, life kind of got poetic. So here is what fell from the tips of my fingers to the keyboard. Enjoy!
~Time Escapes Me~
Just when I think I have it’s hand, it moves ahead.
“Wait! Wait for me Please?” I cried aloud
Over it’s shoulder it smiles and says
“Time waits for no one child! Do what needs to be done now!”
Falling to my knees, I cry out. “But, I have so much to do, where do I find you Time? I am so tired!”
“Many before you have tried to stop Time child!’ he laughed, “but no one can stop Time, you make me! and you will always find me, if you want me. Take me! Share me! Because the day will come, where you wished you had!”
I whispered through tear drops, “I can not let Time escape me. I will find you and together we will capture moments in Time!”

An Abused Child’s Christmas Prayer

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When I think of Christmas, I think of Christmas past. Of when I was a child but more so when my children were young and living at home. Now they are living productive lives, raising children of their own and I get to spend Christmas with them and the babies. I think of all the laughter and the tears of joy, mixed in with the Christmas carols and a turkey feast.

But wait! Isn’t that what Christmas is about? About a child who was born to save us all. A child who grew up to be a Higher Power that gave up his life on this earth for all God’s children?? Isn’t that why we are to cherish the child, to gift the child because that child is our future and if we want any kind of future on this earth we need to take care of our children.

It will always be a villages duty to help raise every child born into this world. They did not ask to be born, so we as adults must do right by each and every one of them. To give them all the necessities of life, to be healthy in mind body and soul!

Then why today, was I able to type in a few words into a browser and find that  in north and south America and Canada , our children are being abused in such horrific ways??

– Police find boy cuffed with dead chicken on neck.

– Daughter locked in basement for 6 years

– Mechanic opens trunk, finds starving baby

– A 2,4,5 and 6 yr old boys found starving, living in filth

– Mom charged with helping boyfriend rape her 4 yr old son

– Mom throws infant at Deputy in a getaway bid.

Is this not the free world that other worlds to the east , west, south  look to for freedom?? Are we not a civilized continent?

Why are we in other countries fighting for what we believe their rights are, when our children’s rights are so abused ?

Give your time and any spare money to your LOCAL children’s foundations, which can be, food banks, Brownies and Girl Guide Clubs, Boys Scouts, the children’s wing at your local hospital, just to name a couple.

My stomach is sick thinking of what is taking place currently in the world around me to the children in my neighbourhood. And no, I realize that I can not save the world or every child in it. But what I can do, is save the children I do know personally, my own, my children’s children, my sisters children, my brothers children, my cousins children, my friends children.. I can save them from being abused when they should be living a life of love and learning.

I will condemn anyone I see abusing a child in my vision. It is my maternal instinct, my God given right as a Mother and caretaker.

So this year before we sit around the Christmas tree on Christmas morning, handing gifts to our children, take the time on Christmas Eve to explain to them the meaning of the season and why children are a blessing and why they are receiving gifts.. Because we were all saved, by a child that was born so long ago named Jesus. Then be ready for the questions they have. Be ready to answer them

When my children were young, we had a birthday cake for Baby Jesus Christmas Eve and I did explain to them the meaning of Christmas and why Jesus’s birthday was and is so special. It’s never too late to start a new tradition

God Bless ALL our children!!

*

~ Children Singing Their Praise ~

Crying In Your Sleep

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You’re not alone when you wake from a sleep crying. So many of us have experienced this. And many times question why. It is your emotional/spiritual self easing itself of pain, whether it was of something that happened that day or a year ago or sometimes 20 years ago. You are at a stage in your life entering a new realm of being a woman/man, you’re growing in more ways that you realize. You will see things differently, feel different about things than you did a year or so ago. You become a person of great empathy and to be able to have empathy for the rest of the world, we must cleanse our own spirits and souls. It is a form of transformation, a beautiful one. I guess the best way to describe it is like the caterpillar to a cocoon and now breaking out of that cocoon to become a beautiful butterfly.
I suggest you embrace your emotions, let them flow and before you fall asleep at night, think about yourself and give thanks for being allowed to have a heart to feel with such great depth. Not everyone does, well not everyone wants to  and if we all did, the world would be a better place.