“Political mayhem, may cause havoc with our mental health, by inducing anguish and distrust. But the man who uses a God or any religion as a reason for committing the ultimate crime, physical/sexual abuse, can destroy another man’s spirit, which encompasses his entire being, mind, body and soul! If I am within the walls of the catholic church it is only to stand on guard of my children from that which dwells there, pedophiles and has committed itself to a constant state of purgatory. I will always practice what I preach, one of those states being, to protect our greatest asset and the unconditional love and innocence of our children. A vow I took when I gave birth to my first child, when I began working in a daycare and a rehab centre. Yet most importantly, a vow to my own inner child.” – CS
I started walking this path the day I was born, but it did not become a reality for me until 2005 and I don’t think it will ever end.
My belief in something greater than myself.. a Goddess, a God, a Creator.
This Creator of mine is not who/what my parents believed in, the schools or churches I went to as a child. This Creator is something/someone who was with me through all my own life experiences, the most recent since 2005. My Creator has brought me comfort and salvation through lessons and unconditional love. My Creator showed me, my own strength.
Until the day comes when we all hit our bottoms or begin searching for peace of mind, soul and body, the Creator awaits without judgement, arms wide open and guidance.
I found my Creator between the Wicca teachings and my native culture. I am fulfilled and humbly grateful.
I can only speak for myself with regards to experiencing, tunnel vision. It wasn’t as much as a vision as it was a feeling, but to describe the feeling, tunnel vision does it. When I went through a traumatic experience, it was like the world around me did not exist, periodically I hear voices, I see faces, smiling and mad faces, kind and mean words I would hear, but it was never really comprehended because it was happening so fast and I was in a zone, where no one else could enter, I am going to call it.. my sanity.
Yes to remain sane at a certain level I had to zone out, I had to keep the tunnel vision because if I did not, I would truly fall apart and be engulfed into a hellish abyss, surely never to return. That is how I felt at the time. I can’t recall how long I was seeing only with tunnel vision, but it did feel like a life time, maybe it was? One of the worst times of my life, yet my saving grace.
After a while I began to walk the tunnel, I needed to get to the end of it, while the outside world cascaded around me and I was feeling the weight of the world, I needed to get out from the pressure before it broke me.
I curled up in a fetal position, protecting, I thought, my heart and soul, which surely would of been swallowed up in the tunnel. I shed tears because it was the only thing that would aid in my way out of the tunnel, my lubricate of life, my tears.
Yes, it took years, to be able to stand tall, to smile again, to know its okay to be me.
Surely having tunnel vision is a place I never want to enter again, but today, I know I withstood the walk through, I held on. Could it make me or break me if I was to enter it again? I don’t want to ever have to find out.