Stripping

Stripping is a lot of work for any one.  I have been stripping for years, layer by layer and it is tough work, no matter how much area you have to uncover.

And no, I am not talking about stripping your clothes off, but glad I got your attention eh?..lol..

In short, I was raised a Roman Catholic, my Mother French, my father Ojibway. Two people who grew up in the same home town, the only difference was, my father was put in a residential school as a child and stripped of his being as he knew it, his language, his self confidence, his heritage, like it was all dirty laundry. I could and should write a book about life with Dad and maybe I will some day. Right now I am still learning so much about who he was, and who I am. One thing I know I am NOT, is catholic. I struggled with the confusion of what happened to my father, with praising a God, a religion that took the souls of innocent children. How can anyone praise such an act, done in the name of their God?

There was this elderly couple that use to come and get me to go to church when I was about 7 or 8 years old. And they always told me the night before, do not eat breakfast before church! You are suppose to attend church on an empty stomach. Of course I wondered why but never asked for an answer. I got up early, got bathed and dressed always in a dress for church and waited to be picked up by the elderly friends of the family. Upon entering the church there was this odour, today I believe it was probably incense and there would be an alter boy lighting candles about the alter area before service. I sat about mid way in the room on a cold wooden straight back pew. There was no falling asleep here, that’s for sure but yet I wondered how some people did fall asleep about half way through a service, usually older gents. Between my 2 elders I was huddled, he would sent his hat on his lap, she her purse on her lap.

Then I looked up at the alter, every Sunday, to the man, the statue on the cross, with painted blood dripping from the nail holes in his palms and atop his feet, blood running down his face from the thorn crown, these things done by man, who were apparently made in this God’s likeness. Why would they kill one of their own, crucify a son of a God? And each Sunday we who sat in the pews were told to ask for forgiveness for this act and that the God did forgive us for doing this to his son. Yet I felt guilty, for what we humans did. Then we are asked to drink his blood and eat his body during communion. Yes I knew it was watered down wine and pressed bread rings, but the fact still implanted in my brain, the guilt and the eating of his body and drinking of his blood. How horrific it was!!! for my little child brain. Argh. All this on an empty stomach!!

9 years ago, I started reading, more and more about religions and faith. I attended 3 different churches and boy that little confused girl was alive and well once again. So many questions, but this time, having to seek the true answers myself.

In the past 7 years, I have been stripping all these childhood religious beliefs from my thought process and began to follow a pagan path, along with Wicca teachings and the culture of my heritage, my native heritage.

There is still a long way to go and after talking to some, it is pretty much never ending. I am seeing just how magickal the world really is and beautiful with out the guilt and trauma imposed on children and adults through the catholic church.

I don’t expect anyone to walk with me in my current beliefs and hope no one is expecting me to walk with them and their beliefs or that one is wrong and one is right.

It is what it is. Its about finding inner peace with our beliefs and questioning everything. It is about pecking all the fruits and nuts off the top of a muffin, getting back to the basic then adding what ever flavour of icing you choose.

After all, it is my own soul I am feeding and my souls palette is sensitive to all tastes at this point in my life.

So mote it be!

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My Trail Mix

me4I started walking this path the day I was born, but it did not become a reality for me until 2005 and I don’t think it will ever end.

My belief in something greater than myself.. a Goddess, a God, a Creator.

This Creator of mine is not who/what my parents believed in, the schools or churches I went to as a child. This Creator is something/someone who was with me through all my own life experiences, the most recent since 2005. My Creator has brought me comfort and salvation through lessons and unconditional love.  My Creator showed me, my own strength.

Until the day comes when we all hit our bottoms or begin searching for peace of mind, soul and body, the Creator awaits without judgement, arms wide open and guidance.

I found my Creator between the Wicca teachings and my native culture. I am fulfilled and humbly grateful.

 

 

To Give Naturally

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We all have a level at which we can be giving. The sad part is, when you really look at the world today, there are less giving people, yet always those in need, honestly. The people who are capable of giving, are always worried about, just how much they give. But if they would just realize what they give, comes back 10 folds, maybe they wouldn’t be so hesitant to give.
Then you have the controlled givers. The mindset being, they will give to you but they want to control you once given. Fact is, no matter how much, we give, we are not able to control anyone, ever. The only person we can control, is the self. Self control, in our own expectations of others and even what the universe gives or takes. When we start to put demands on others, on the universe, we will feel a resistance. And with that resistance, comes pain and disarray. Just speak in meditation, exactly what you are in need of, what you are thankful for and be ready to receive, naturally.
Limits. Knowing our limits and learning when to rejuvenate ones mind, body and soul, will allow us to continue to be giving without expectations, naturally.

Who, What, Where & When Am I?

And then came you…
We are what we feel. Learning to manage your feeling, understanding them, is one of the “tools” that we can never do without, as we continue on our individual journey, on this earth. Sometimes it takes seeking out a neutral party to learn how to do that, to get those tools of life management. We are alive to learn, to evolve and when we stop doing those things, it can be so easy to become depressed and feel alone. Because we forget that we are never really alone, there is you, yourself and the “I”. Sometimes taking a look inward at YOU can be a scary thing, so we take the easy way and focus on everyone else, everything else instead, never really being happy or experiencing that feeling of contentment. We blame others for our unhappiness, when all we have to do, is ask ourselves, who, what, where, when.
Who are you?
What are you?
Where are you?
When are you happy?
Leaving unhappiness, is not always easy, especially if we have been living there a long time.
One cold winter night,  year 3 of 11 years single, my evening ritual of getting ready to go to bed, took about an hour. I took the long soak in bubbles, with music low, then straightened up the cushions on the sofa, put my tea mug in the sink and once I shut off all the lights, made my way to my bedroom. It was so quiet. I had no neighbors close by, so from outside all I could hear was the winter wind blowing up against the house. I stood at my dresser, brushed the knots out of my hair to tie it up and started to think to myself..
.. is this not where I am suppose to be feeling lonely? In the quiet at night, being single, with no one around? No one to say good night to, or to hear those words being said to me? No one to remind me of tomorrows agenda? There was no one but me. Aren’t I suppose to be lonely after so many nights of this? I stopped brushing my hair, stood there in the complete silence, looked at myself in the mirror, closed my eyes and concentrated on that feeling of, loneliness.. but.. I wasn’t feeling it.. it wasn’t erupting from deep within my heart and soul. I opened my eyes and smiled at the lady in the mirror and said..
I’m okay!
Who am I? I am, me, myself and I !
What am I? I am happy !
Where am I? In a great place in my life !
When am I happy? When ever I chose to be!

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(Alfred Stevens – Woman in front of a mirror (c.1870)

 

 
I made choices, in the best interest of me. And realized that life is not about pleasing everyone else. To be original, we have to please ourselves first. And no one said it was going to be easy, but nothing worth everything, is pain free. We have to endure the pain, to appreciate the healing.
Yes, life on earth is a journey and we have to take our individual paths, over the speed bumps, through the stormy weather. There is no short cuts. There is a quote I read..
“If you go through the tunnel you will come out better on the other end, but if you go around, you avoided the whole journey.”
My journey is not over by a long shot. I was ready for company on my life’s journey and I found or, was found by, the perfect person for me, to come/go along for the ride. I am so ready to learn, to see the world through his eyes and relate to him my visions of the world and life as I see it. I am proud to ride, “shotgun” and enjoy the view at this point.
And if my life on this earth is to end, which it will, just when, I don’t know… how does that song go by ole blue eyes?
“I did it my way!”

Stay Passionate

passionate
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If you look back on history.. Passionate women were burned at the stake.. Yikes! Passionate means to be ruled by intense emotion or a strong feeling. More than likely a very sexual person with great desires and at the same time a passionate person can be moved to anger, be quick tempered.
When we read the definitions of being passionate, like everything else, like all the emotions one person can go through in a life time, its about controlling those emotions to make your life all it can be, emotionally.
So we tend to spread that passion out amongst different parts in our lives, whether it be creating something and being able to sell it to make a living, by showing how passionate we are with writing, poetry or books. Some show their passionate side by creating music. There is so many ways to show and flex our passionate side. When we get to that point in our lives, where they say, “ oh, he bought a new sports car.” or “ oh, she is dating younger men.” People call that Mid life crisis, when I think it is just searching for what they are passionate about because over the years they forgot how to be passionate and more times out of 10, the partner they were with, did not enhance the passion in the relationship.

“Not only is being passionate sexy it earns great respect.”- Unknown

No one likes to hear that another’s persons pain is caused by them, its not that someone was caused another persons grief, but they weren’t a positive force either Being passionate as a couple, in all aspects of being a couple, is something I think 2 people can create together and when you’re passionate about each other and each others wants and needs, there will be nothing that can come between you as a couple… not a sport scar of a younger lover because you found what brings out the best in you, was in front of you all the while or you will search till you find that person who appreciates your passion as much as you will appreciate thier passion.
So be passionate as one, create more passion as two and watch your world explode better than any romance novel could read!

❤ Love + Trust + Loyalty + Great Sex = an unbeatable relationship. Throw in Passion and Communication and you have it all. ♡ Magic. ♡