Sitting here sipping my 1st coffee, trying to think of a trip as a family we may have taken when I was a wee gal.. and my mind goes blank..because our parents didn’t spend that kind of money..they had 11 children! We were our own Disney Land, or circus freak show..lol..I think I will blame, things got tough when “they” came along, the 4 Little ones.. haha.. we couldnt afford to do anything then..lol..But I do recall being sent to bible camp 😦 when we lived in… Elliot Lake. Joey, my brother a year older than I, was suppose to come with me, at the last minute he cried saying he didn’t want to go. Ohh I was mad. And Mom bought me 2 sets of pjs from Kresgees, flannel ones, to find they were too small when I went to wear a set my 1st night there. omg!!. And there was no such thing as cell phones. There was Emergency phone numbers on your application for the camp leaders only. So I was bored! but survived by tossing a big wad of bubble gum across the dark bedroom to land in the hair of the snotty blond girl in the bunk next to mine..I be bad.. she cried and the leader yelled out, who shot thid gum??!! I turned over and cried, because that was one of those moments I hated Mom for sending me away.. so I took my pencil I wrote on my bedsheet.. I hate you Mom!.. Didn’t matter, she wasn’t washing these sheets and wouldn’t see that..lol. I am not sure if my older brothers, Darcy, Geno or Joey went on any summer vacays or not. But at the end of the summer, we had memories, whether away from home or not. And now my children take their babes, my nuggets on summer vacays, making memories, as for toting along cell phones.. I wish everyone took one weekend away with their spouse and children..NO CELLS.. or electronics.. start listening to eachothers voices again, hear what they are really saying.. express like we use to do, with out loud belly laughs, screaming with laughter as you play tag, sing a song in the car as you motor along, introduce yourselves to the family in the camper parked next to yours at the campground.. go swimming! Just do stuff without the mechanics. Do you recall a vacay good or bad that you can share? Family or alone… as a child??
11 yrs ago this month, a great man left this earth…My Father..Eugene D. Solomon. Dad wrote me a letter before that year, explaining why and apologizing for not expressing the words..I love you…to me as a child. I did not take his apology serious…until…after his passing, he come to me through a medium. Now some may say its all hocus-pocus, however I never met or knew of this mediums existence before that day. She said, your father stands behind you (described him in detail) with a small dog in his arms, your dog and with a sad face he said he apologizes for taking your dog away. (he also related other details that no one but he and I would know about). Yes, that was my dog and yes this time, I accepted his apology for all the wrongs and accept to this day all the love he shares with me as my Guardian Angel with each breath against my cheek before I go to sleep..my father whispering the words, I love you. His personal best was what I received as a child and his unconditional love now, into eternity. Take no one for granted! This is the day of a new beginnings, don’t waste the season, live in the now and love every waking moment!!!
We all have a level at which we can be giving. The sad part is, when you really look at the world today, there are less giving people, yet always those in need, honestly. The people who are capable of giving, are always worried about, just how much they give. But if they would just realize what they give, comes back 10 folds, maybe they wouldn’t be so hesitant to give.
Then you have the controlled givers. The mindset being, they will give to you but they want to control you once given. Fact is, no matter how much, we give, we are not able to control anyone, ever. The only person we can control, is the self. Self control, in our own expectations of others and even what the universe gives or takes. When we start to put demands on others, on the universe, we will feel a resistance. And with that resistance, comes pain and disarray. Just speak in meditation, exactly what you are in need of, what you are thankful for and be ready to receive, naturally.
Limits. Knowing our limits and learning when to rejuvenate ones mind, body and soul, will allow us to continue to be giving without expectations, naturally.
I woke up to below freezing temperatures with the aroma of un-perked coffee, freshly ground coffee beans invading my nostrils, a memory of yesterday. I need to get out of bed, use the facilities and get a pot of freshly ground 100% Columbian a brewing..but…I lay on my back staring at the ceiling at 5:30 am, on a Sunday morning. I was making an effort to rise as my left leg hung off the bed, a rustled comforter twisted beside me and my flannel nighty binding me like a bad mummy Halloween costume. Here I lay, 55 years old, somewhat experienced in the trials of life. Nothing could prepare us for our individual journeys, yet so many have walked the same path of bumps and pot holes, just at a different pace, a different day, a different town, different friends and different families. And maybe we met at a crossroad, I don’t recall but there will be times in your company, I get that feeling of deja vu!
Oh well, yet I still lay here at 55 years old and think of my child rearing days. How old or how young was I again? Does the age matter at this point? It did when my home was filled with teenagers, all thinking they knew what was best and how to live a life without getting guidance from an aging parent. But I tried to explain anyway. Hey! I wasn’t born 35, 38 or 42 years old you know!! I was a teenager once upon a time. Just like you, I knew everything, yet little did I realize back then, like you, I knew nothing, but felt everything.
So here I lay, 55 years old, half out of bed, half in the bed, the sound of the freight train rumbling down the tracks on the south part of town and the still faint memory of freshly ground coffee piercing my morning thoughts, edging me ever so closer to the edge of the bed.
Change is eminent, nothing and no one stays the same. Even our selfish ego got tired of life dramatics, deciding to live and let live. My mental complexity, no longer able to absorb toxic relations, anymore than this 55 year old body could win an Olympic sprint but surely making a spectacle as I trip over life’s hurdles. Till I gained enough smarts to ask for assistance and see who would be on the other end of a life hurdle with hands out, always ready like a great friend would be.
But here I lay, nothing really changed since I first crawled into bed at 10 pm last evening. Wait!! Something has changed..it’s a new year!!! I have wakened into a new year!! I made it! Another year older, another year to try and get it right! Maybe I will find a teenager today to gain some insight on how to live a happy life. And laugh I will!! As they begin to guide me..with such innocence, yet with unknowing ignorance of what really lies ahead for them on their journey. Or maybe go visit an aging parent, in a home, sitting in a rocker, looking out the window, waiting for company, waiting for anyone to come visit and break up the long lonesome day. And listen for a while to his or her stories about life. A life lived, in real time…second by second..minute by minute..hour by hour…day by day..month by month…year by year. Yes the true voice of wisdom awaits my ears, an elder. And another voice.. a teenager awaits my ears…
Happy New Year eh!!!
I jump out of bed, both feet on the floor, another year older..another year to get it right….another year to older and we will never pass this way again…life is short, nothing lasts forever but a memory. Get out there and make some great ones!!
A couple years ago, I had a chat with a friend, she was one of those people that kept to herself, she didn’t talk much or get involved in much. We became friends and through that slight smile, I felt like she was covering something up, not only because she was quiet or did not smile a lot, but there was a depth in her eyes, she looked lost.
Being who I am, at times asking the right question, yes, I do that on occasion. :).. she decided one day to open up to me.
Her son died, 4 years prior, at 10 years old and she was still in mourning. It being Christmas time, she was even more down because it was another year without her son. She told me that her marriage had ended also after her son’s death.
For some people, a death of another, close, can break a relationship(s) or bring them closer together, with her and her husband, it broke them.
I, being a spiritual person, I know they are and sense my loved ones close by, even after they have passed over. Of course I miss their touch, the sound of their voice, but I do feel them near and that allows me to get through my days of missing them.
So I started to ask her a few questions..
What was his favourite toy, his favourite meal, his favourite holiday??
She answered all 3 questions and when she said Christmas was his favourite holiday, I asked her, why and what made it special to him? Then I asked her what she did on Christmas day? She told me she sat at home alone and would cry. She told me she did not put a tree up or decorate the house or make a Christmas dinner.
I asked her if she believed he was an angel? She told me yes.
I told her then what I believed and that she may not agree, but I had to tell her.
During the Christmas holidays, she did not cook, shop for gifts or decorate, not even put up a tree and then on Christmas day, while she sat there alone and cried, her son, also sat there, in spirit, aside her and cried.
She asked me what I meant.
I asked her if that thought, of him, crying, on what was a holiday that he use to love. Where she cooked and he ate, where she had shopped and wrapped gifts, he opened on Christmas morning, smiling and laughing cause he was so happy with what, Santa, had brought him. How he would sit on the floor in front of the Christmas tree every night before bed, when she turned the lights on and think of Christmas morning and what would be under it, presents!
But now, he sat, aside her and cried, because she was crying and missing him. Yet, he was still there and why not do those things that made him happy when he was here on earth, knowing and believing when she did them, it would bring him closer in spirit and she also would feel the joy of the season, as it was meant to be, since the beginning of time. A time of birth and new beginnings. And he could, rest in peace, knowing she remembers him happy and continues to live happy. Yes, it is hard to begin to live again after a loved one passes over, but if we take the time to do those things they use to love to do when they were here with us, we will feel them closer because we are celebrating a life, their life.
After the holidays, she came to me and said she did what I suggested. She shopped, she cooked, she decorated and then she invited friends and family over. Yes, she said, she cried, but it was tears of joy and that she will continue to do things that her son loved to do when he was alive and include his memory in everything she does from now on. Then she thanked me. I was in awe, because I was not expecting her to follow through, since we parted ways that day before the holidays without her really saying anything.
Live Love Laugh!!