What Is Dysfunctional?

Having worked in the addictions field, one word a person hears a lot is, dysfunctional. Which leads many, I find, to think, dysfunctional relates only to the world of addicts. And I have heard many deny they may be dysfunctional because there was no addiction tendencies in the family. People are not born dysfunctional, we are raised in dysfunctional surroundings. And as much as we may want to deny it, the air we were raised in at times for many is, toxic air. We all have our tolerance levels and the good thing is when we do realize things are not as they should be, when living in a toxic world and start leading lives in such a way.

 

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I read a lot, always have. Not just the harlequin romance novels, but self help and a lot about the human conditions. Whether I am told my thoughts are wrong or to prove to myself, my thoughts are right, I get myself educated on many topics.

Dysfunctional traits come from a few traits and for those who are not living in the addiction life, it comes from.. fear… guilt and shame. When we don’t seek out the help to heal those 3 things, we live a numb life, in denial… dysfunctional!

One can only hope this post hits home in a positive way, that one person wants to seek out professional help, so they can lead a full functional life. After all, this is it.. there is not other life on earth after this one. It is what it is.. over. Live love and be happy!

Remembering The Past With A Smile

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Has the family unit has been broken into pieces.

I have 3 children and recall going to visit my parents a couple days a week, always a Sunday and at times take the 10 minute drive after supper to have a cup of tea with my mother, as we sat out on her deck and talked about her day and mine. My mother was a victim of Alzheimer, slowly she began to forget simple things she did the day before or a name and would always say to me, “don’t forget I love you.” Almost as if I was the one who was loosing her memory. Those visits are what I miss the most now that I am a single middle aged woman, living on her own. I recall how she would make comment about one or two of her children she had not seen in a while, she was missing them. But I know they did visit at some point, yet it was her feelings when she talked that broke my heart. Memories can be fleeting, time is promised to no one.

It is different these days, our children just don’t have the time it seems to visit once a week, let alone for that after supper cup of tea a couple times a week. Then we have the new late teen age group, who have either not been taught how important family is, how respecting their elders, related or not, is so important.

As I sit here by the window, with a chilly breeze coming through the 2 inch crack of it’s opening, hearing it shake the yellow, orange and red leaves off the trees, I am reminded of change and nothing or no one can stop it. Are our relationships, our families shaken as easily as the leaves off the mighty oak and birch trees?

Has this new society shaken the Mom and Pop’s traditional way of life? Have we found it easier to quit on each other than put in the effort of keeping the link solid between each other?

It is that time of year, once again, for me, when I experienced so much loss between now and spring that gets me thinking of those who passed over and how or if I took for granted any one of them when they were here on this earth, I bow my head and say, I loved you…no regrets. Rest in peace and may the autumn breeze raise your spirit and frolic with your memories forever. I will always remember the beauty of yesterday’s moment..

Being Noticed

Did you ever hear of, Iyanla Vanzant ?, She is an American inspirational speaker, lawyer, spiritual teacher, author and life coach. I have read a couple of her books and watched her show on television a couple times. Her advice is so great and I think that is because she has lived the circumstance, learnt how to deal with it and is willing to share just how to get over life crap with her followers. One of her quotes goes something like, ‘we all want to be liked, loved and appreciated by our loves ones, family and close friends. And that is fine, what is not fine is the things we do, to get that appreciation and love.” You can’t be the only one always reaching out to others, especially if you are not being acknowledged by others as well. When people care about your part in the lives, they will reach out and ask you how you are or if there is something they can do for you or invite you to join them for something as simple as a coffee or meal. Most of us will feel bad when we are not made some kind of priority in, loved ones life, but it is all about learning, ourselves, to stop prioritizing those who don’t prioritize us. Life is so short, we need to give our time to those who value our time and vice versa. As individuals, we can not save the world or beg to be a part of any ones else’s world. You tried your best, be happy and enjoy one day at a time with those who appreciate your time and energy! Wish the others peace and love, then move forward!

 

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Charlie Died Today

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Charlie died today. He was the family pet of my daughters. My heart aches for my 2 grandchildren this evening, because they are engulfed in grief of having to say goodbye to their sweet Charlie. I hate that they have to go through this. They are too young to feel such pain of death. And there is nothing I can do, or their Mom can do, except hug them and let their tears flow.

Life can be so cruel some times. 😦

 

 

Who Is At Fault?

Not a day goes by where I don’t wonder about what this world is coming to and what it will be like for my children, grandchildren, all children. Did my parents scratch their heads when I come out of my room dressed the way I was? Was I really dressed so outrageous compared to some of today’s teens? I don’t recall any one in my teen years having so many piercings as they are today. I don’t recall living a mall life. I don’t recall having tons of money given to me by my parents, like kids receive today. I don’t recall being given lunch money daily.
I do recall a small allowance, brown bagging a lunch, babysitting to have pocket money, having chores to do on the weekend before I even thought of leaving the house.
And what about the boldness of so many teens, the lack of respect for their elders. And that, want want want attitude. Oh my lawd! I don’t think I be alive today if I talked or treated my parents, family elders the way kids do today
So lets pick apart the child/teen of today. 1st impression is with the eyes. Yes we know we can inherit our parents features, whether it be height, weights, eye colors, hair colors, nose shape and even those knobby knees or big ears. They even say now a lot of our illness are inherited. That I believe, because I see my Mother unfolding in front of me..lol.. in many ways.
But what about, personality. Can we be the cause of our children’s attitudes today? Is it our fault they have lost touch with the realities of life. Unlike our own parents did we leave the flood gates open by not setting boundaries??? Have we let them loose into a crazy world for a greater percent of 24 hours in the day instead of having more family and all the personality that comes with a family who is close, who respects each other, home and property. But most of all, respect for themselves!
Welllllll…lol…According to university studies, personality is 70% inherited and 30% environmentally influenced.
Lets think about that one.. not too long though!..lol
Whatcha think eh?

And The Sun Rises….

Good morning! Blessed to have wakened and thankful my days start the same…very quiet with low music..no words..just the music setting the tone I need to get my mind body and spirit awake.
Slowly my thoughts come into perspective..thoughts and chants regarding serenity I need in my life and thoughts for my family and friends who may be needing serenity, as well as candles burning (when in my own home) for loved ones passed over.

The first hour of my day is all about spirit..mine..yours ..Mother Earth and Father Sky.  I shall read and depending on whats happening in my world..it changes to a degree.

Today and every day…. I wish you harmony and balance..nothing but joy and serenity..because that is the kind of people I need in my life. Selfish little witch eh..lol

Do what you will and harm come to none! With support of my Pagan faith my chant and prayers are for everyone!

💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

FAMILY DAY 2018

Isn’t family a beautiful entity?! I mean, when you think of it, each of our families are, distinct and live an independent existence, yet all the while, we are as a human nation, fused as one, a single entity! A family consists of elders, which is the wisdom and the children, the continuance, which is the remaining existing force, left to carry on with that wisdom. Then, I ask myself, what is happening to our children, our young adults, that find some kind of comfort in eating soap pods, overdosing on drugs, committing suicide at an alarming rate? 😦
Have we as, parents, elders, dropped the ball, now raising followers, instead of leaders?? With the onslaught of social media, have the horrific events around the world, scared our young to the point, none of them want to take the lead?
I blame no one, yet think we as communites need to start pulling together for our young and raise more, LEADERS! .. and reward the followers, as they strive to become leaders or assist and give strength to lead…it takes a community! A few drops in a bucket can send a tidal wave!”
“Leaders don’t force people to follow they invite them on a journey.” – CL

When Our Expectations Become A Priority..

Two quotes with regards to this blog thought.

“When you release expectations you are free to enjoy things for what they are instead of what you think they should be.”- MH

“You may not be a priority in my life, but you will always matter.”-CS

 

I believe how we say things to other people in our lives may not always be interpeted as we wished them to be. But, our actions always will. We can talk love, honour and respect, till we are blue in them face, then turn around and with one stab in the back action, literally kill every word we spoke.

For myself, this is what I call, speaking from both sides of one’s mouth..all the pretty words flow freely from one side and septic thoughts spew from the other.

For this past half decade of my life I have witnessed and been on the recieving end of both and today can laugh. I have learnt not to have expectations of others and for my life to be truly happy, it is me, myself and I who have become the priority of it. Yes, I do have one rule I live by…my time and effort must be matched in any relationship..family or friend. When it is not, I use my free will to walk away.

Do you have great expectations of others and make someone else a priority in your life?

P.S. As children my children were priority. Thats a given. Then they grew up.. Plot twist!!

 

Summer Vacay!!

Sitting here sipping my 1st coffee, trying to think of a trip as a family we may have taken when I was a wee gal.. and my mind goes blank..because our parents didn’t spend that kind of money..they had 11 children! We were our own Disney Land, or circus freak show..lol..I think I will blame, things got tough when “they” came along, the 4 Little ones.. haha.. we couldnt afford to do anything then..lol..But I do recall being sent to bible camp 😦 when we lived in Elliot Lake. Joey, my brother a year older than I, was suppose to come with me, at the last minute he cried saying he didn’t want to go. Ohh I was mad. And Mom bought me 2 sets of pjs from Kresgees, flannel ones, to find they were too small when I went to wear a set my 1st night there. omg!!. And there was no such thing as cell phones. There was Emergency phone numbers on your application for the camp leaders only. So I was bored! but survived by tossing a big wad of bubble gum across the dark bedroom to land in the hair of the snotty blond girl in the bunk next to mine..I be bad.. she cried and the leader yelled out, who shot thid gum??!! I turned over and cried, because that was one of those moments I hated Mom for sending me away.. so I took my pencil I wrote on my bedsheet.. I hate you Mom!.. Didn’t matter, she wasn’t washing these sheets and wouldn’t see that..lol. I am not sure if my older brothers, Darcy, Geno or Joey went on any summer vacays or not. But at the end of the summer, we had memories, whether away from home or not. And now my children take their babes, my nuggets on summer vacays, making memories, as for toting along cell phones.. I wish everyone took one weekend away with their spouse and children..NO CELLS.. or electronics.. start listening to eachothers voices again, hear what they are really saying.. express like we use to do, with out loud belly laughs, screaming with laughter as you play tag, sing a song in the car as you motor along, introduce yourselves to the family in the camper parked next to yours at the campground.. go swimming! Just do stuff without the mechanics. Do you recall a vacay good or bad that you can share? Family or alone… as a child??

To Give Naturally

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We all have a level at which we can be giving. The sad part is, when you really look at the world today, there are less giving people, yet always those in need, honestly. The people who are capable of giving, are always worried about, just how much they give. But if they would just realize what they give, comes back 10 folds, maybe they wouldn’t be so hesitant to give.
Then you have the controlled givers. The mindset being, they will give to you but they want to control you once given. Fact is, no matter how much, we give, we are not able to control anyone, ever. The only person we can control, is the self. Self control, in our own expectations of others and even what the universe gives or takes. When we start to put demands on others, on the universe, we will feel a resistance. And with that resistance, comes pain and disarray. Just speak in meditation, exactly what you are in need of, what you are thankful for and be ready to receive, naturally.
Limits. Knowing our limits and learning when to rejuvenate ones mind, body and soul, will allow us to continue to be giving without expectations, naturally.