What Is Dysfunctional?

Having worked in the addictions field, one word a person hears a lot is, dysfunctional. Which leads many, I find, to think, dysfunctional relates only to the world of addicts. And I have heard many deny they may be dysfunctional because there was no addiction tendencies in the family. People are not born dysfunctional, we are raised in dysfunctional surroundings. And as much as we may want to deny it, the air we were raised in at times for many is, toxic air. We all have our tolerance levels and the good thing is when we do realize things are not as they should be, when living in a toxic world and start leading lives in such a way.

 

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I read a lot, always have. Not just the harlequin romance novels, but self help and a lot about the human conditions. Whether I am told my thoughts are wrong or to prove to myself, my thoughts are right, I get myself educated on many topics.

Dysfunctional traits come from a few traits and for those who are not living in the addiction life, it comes from.. fear… guilt and shame. When we don’t seek out the help to heal those 3 things, we live a numb life, in denial… dysfunctional!

One can only hope this post hits home in a positive way, that one person wants to seek out professional help, so they can lead a full functional life. After all, this is it.. there is not other life on earth after this one. It is what it is.. over. Live love and be happy!

HONESTLY SINGLE

One thing I have heard alot over the years of being single from people who are either in a relationship or married is, “glad I’m not single anymore! Seems like the life of dating or to find a partner sucks these days!”
Being pretty much single 10 of 13 years, that statement is fact! I don’t think you will find a “single person” over 40 yrs old say they love being single. Whether it’s a man or woman living the single life for 3 plus years, they usually have worked alot on overcoming alot of past issues in their lives and just becoming a better person all around, knowing their self worth and want to be found by that one person who can appreciate everything about them. No one is perfect and no one more than a, long term single, knows that better than many. You can not find a, single person, saying they are okay with not, cuddling another person or not having that one person to spend the rest of their life with. For myself I can be honest and will say, all I want is some one that will match the effort I bring to the relationship. Yes we all have our bad days, but we want some one in our lives that is strong enough, who loves us enough, who can cope with the bad days and show the appreciation for the great days. A long term single person doesn’t want to enter a relationship where they see more red flags than hearts. And maybe we, singles, do have a few more expectations, but again we don’t want to be the only one of the couple, making all the exceptions. The drive between two lovers should be a delight, and the journey is usually made up of no exceptions for many. I for one, won’t settle just to be with someone. There has to be chemistry. Oil and vinegar will never mix, there has to be a binder of some sort to hold it together, if not, then expect it to separate. So don’t think your single friends are too fussy or expect too much of another, we are motivated by first and foremost, knowing our worth and believing a, Mr. Right or Ms. Right is maybe just around the corner, armed with that unconditional love you happy couples brag about all the time. Until then, even in our loneliest hour we will fall asleep hugging our pillows a little tighter than most and let our faith and good old destiny play it’s roll each morning we wake up because we have come to realize the difference between an, I love you and I am IN love with you.

 

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Remembering The Past With A Smile

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Has the family unit has been broken into pieces.

I have 3 children and recall going to visit my parents a couple days a week, always a Sunday and at times take the 10 minute drive after supper to have a cup of tea with my mother, as we sat out on her deck and talked about her day and mine. My mother was a victim of Alzheimer, slowly she began to forget simple things she did the day before or a name and would always say to me, “don’t forget I love you.” Almost as if I was the one who was loosing her memory. Those visits are what I miss the most now that I am a single middle aged woman, living on her own. I recall how she would make comment about one or two of her children she had not seen in a while, she was missing them. But I know they did visit at some point, yet it was her feelings when she talked that broke my heart. Memories can be fleeting, time is promised to no one.

It is different these days, our children just don’t have the time it seems to visit once a week, let alone for that after supper cup of tea a couple times a week. Then we have the new late teen age group, who have either not been taught how important family is, how respecting their elders, related or not, is so important.

As I sit here by the window, with a chilly breeze coming through the 2 inch crack of it’s opening, hearing it shake the yellow, orange and red leaves off the trees, I am reminded of change and nothing or no one can stop it. Are our relationships, our families shaken as easily as the leaves off the mighty oak and birch trees?

Has this new society shaken the Mom and Pop’s traditional way of life? Have we found it easier to quit on each other than put in the effort of keeping the link solid between each other?

It is that time of year, once again, for me, when I experienced so much loss between now and spring that gets me thinking of those who passed over and how or if I took for granted any one of them when they were here on this earth, I bow my head and say, I loved you…no regrets. Rest in peace and may the autumn breeze raise your spirit and frolic with your memories forever. I will always remember the beauty of yesterday’s moment..

Charlie Died Today

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Charlie died today. He was the family pet of my daughters. My heart aches for my 2 grandchildren this evening, because they are engulfed in grief of having to say goodbye to their sweet Charlie. I hate that they have to go through this. They are too young to feel such pain of death. And there is nothing I can do, or their Mom can do, except hug them and let their tears flow.

Life can be so cruel some times. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

 

 

Who Is At Fault?

Not a day goes by where I donโ€™t wonder about what this world is coming to and what it will be like for my children, grandchildren, all children. Did my parents scratch their heads when I come out of my room dressed the way I was? Was I really dressed so outrageous compared to some of todayโ€™s teens? I donโ€™t recall any one in my teen years having so many piercings as they are today. I donโ€™t recall living a mall life. I donโ€™t recall having tons of money given to me by my parents, like kids receive today. I donโ€™t recall being given lunch money daily.
I do recall a small allowance, brown bagging a lunch, babysitting to have pocket money, having chores to do on the weekend before I even thought of leaving the house.
And what about the boldness of so many teens, the lack of respect for their elders. And that, want want want attitude. Oh my lawd! I donโ€™t think I be alive today if I talked or treated my parents, family elders the way kids do today
So lets pick apart the child/teen of today. 1st impression is with the eyes. Yes we know we can inherit our parents features, whether it be height, weights, eye colors, hair colors, nose shape and even those knobby knees or big ears. They even say now a lot of our illness are inherited. That I believe, because I see my Mother unfolding in front of me..lol.. in many ways.
But what about, personality. Can we be the cause of our childrenโ€™s attitudes today? Is it our fault they have lost touch with the realities of life. Unlike our own parents did we leave the flood gates open by not setting boundaries??? Have we let them loose into a crazy world for a greater percent of 24 hours in the day instead of having more family and all the personality that comes with a family who is close, who respects each other, home and property. But most of all, respect for themselves!
Welllllll…lol…According to university studies, personality is 70% inherited and 30% environmentally influenced.
Lets think about that one.. not too long though!..lol
Whatcha think eh?

And The Sun Rises….

Good morning! Blessed to have wakened and thankful my days start the same…very quiet with low music..no words..just the music setting the tone I need to get my mind body and spirit awake.
Slowly my thoughts come into perspective..thoughts and chants regarding serenity I need in my life and thoughts for my family and friends who may be needing serenity, as well as candles burning (when in my own home) for loved ones passed over.

The first hour of my day is all about spirit..mine..yours ..Mother Earth and Father Sky.ย  I shall read and depending on whats happening in my world..it changes to a degree.

Today and every day…. I wish you harmony and balance..nothing but joy and serenity..because that is the kind of people I need in my life. Selfish little witch eh..lol

Do what you will and harm come to none! With support of my Pagan faith my chant and prayers are for everyone!

๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—

The Need To Be LIKED!

Humans are naturally born looking for highs in life. Who doesn’t like euphoria!? But some turn out to be full blown addictions, causing a toxic life. Facebook is one of those toxic highs. We truly are looking for highs in the wrong places. The need for the LIKES, when all the LOVE we can handle is the people we meet, live with, connect with by sound and touch daily. I watched a documentary about a famous singer with a band and he talked about the highs of needing to be LIKED by strangers and people he knew, for him to exist. And once he wasn’t getting enough, he started abusing drugs and alcohol and then once that need wasn’t enough of a high, contemplating suicide was his rock bottom. He is in a recovery program and doing well and today, can only share his experience of getting lost in the dark abyss of social networking, as well as the lifestyle of the rich and famous. Stop looking for the need of LIKES and love in all the wrong places! Moderation is the key, which keeps the line of communication open, loud and clear.