What Is Dysfunctional?

Having worked in the addictions field, one word a person hears a lot is, dysfunctional. Which leads many, I find, to think, dysfunctional relates only to the world of addicts. And I have heard many deny they may be dysfunctional because there was no addiction tendencies in the family. People are not born dysfunctional, we are raised in dysfunctional surroundings. And as much as we may want to deny it, the air we were raised in at times for many is, toxic air. We all have our tolerance levels and the good thing is when we do realize things are not as they should be, when living in a toxic world and start leading lives in such a way.

 

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I read a lot, always have. Not just the harlequin romance novels, but self help and a lot about the human conditions. Whether I am told my thoughts are wrong or to prove to myself, my thoughts are right, I get myself educated on many topics.

Dysfunctional traits come from a few traits and for those who are not living in the addiction life, it comes from.. fear… guilt and shame. When we don’t seek out the help to heal those 3 things, we live a numb life, in denial… dysfunctional!

One can only hope this post hits home in a positive way, that one person wants to seek out professional help, so they can lead a full functional life. After all, this is it.. there is not other life on earth after this one. It is what it is.. over. Live love and be happy!

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HONESTLY SINGLE

One thing I have heard alot over the years of being single from people who are either in a relationship or married is, “glad I’m not single anymore! Seems like the life of dating or to find a partner sucks these days!”
Being pretty much single 10 of 13 years, that statement is fact! I don’t think you will find a “single person” over 40 yrs old say they love being single. Whether it’s a man or woman living the single life for 3 plus years, they usually have worked alot on overcoming alot of past issues in their lives and just becoming a better person all around, knowing their self worth and want to be found by that one person who can appreciate everything about them. No one is perfect and no one more than a, long term single, knows that better than many. You can not find a, single person, saying they are okay with not, cuddling another person or not having that one person to spend the rest of their life with. For myself I can be honest and will say, all I want is some one that will match the effort I bring to the relationship. Yes we all have our bad days, but we want some one in our lives that is strong enough, who loves us enough, who can cope with the bad days and show the appreciation for the great days. A long term single person doesn’t want to enter a relationship where they see more red flags than hearts. And maybe we, singles, do have a few more expectations, but again we don’t want to be the only one of the couple, making all the exceptions. The drive between two lovers should be a delight, and the journey is usually made up of no exceptions for many. I for one, won’t settle just to be with someone. There has to be chemistry. Oil and vinegar will never mix, there has to be a binder of some sort to hold it together, if not, then expect it to separate. So don’t think your single friends are too fussy or expect too much of another, we are motivated by first and foremost, knowing our worth and believing a, Mr. Right or Ms. Right is maybe just around the corner, armed with that unconditional love you happy couples brag about all the time. Until then, even in our loneliest hour we will fall asleep hugging our pillows a little tighter than most and let our faith and good old destiny play it’s roll each morning we wake up because we have come to realize the difference between an, I love you and I am IN love with you.

 

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Remembering The Past With A Smile

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Has the family unit has been broken into pieces.

I have 3 children and recall going to visit my parents a couple days a week, always a Sunday and at times take the 10 minute drive after supper to have a cup of tea with my mother, as we sat out on her deck and talked about her day and mine. My mother was a victim of Alzheimer, slowly she began to forget simple things she did the day before or a name and would always say to me, “don’t forget I love you.” Almost as if I was the one who was loosing her memory. Those visits are what I miss the most now that I am a single middle aged woman, living on her own. I recall how she would make comment about one or two of her children she had not seen in a while, she was missing them. But I know they did visit at some point, yet it was her feelings when she talked that broke my heart. Memories can be fleeting, time is promised to no one.

It is different these days, our children just don’t have the time it seems to visit once a week, let alone for that after supper cup of tea a couple times a week. Then we have the new late teen age group, who have either not been taught how important family is, how respecting their elders, related or not, is so important.

As I sit here by the window, with a chilly breeze coming through the 2 inch crack of it’s opening, hearing it shake the yellow, orange and red leaves off the trees, I am reminded of change and nothing or no one can stop it. Are our relationships, our families shaken as easily as the leaves off the mighty oak and birch trees?

Has this new society shaken the Mom and Pop’s traditional way of life? Have we found it easier to quit on each other than put in the effort of keeping the link solid between each other?

It is that time of year, once again, for me, when I experienced so much loss between now and spring that gets me thinking of those who passed over and how or if I took for granted any one of them when they were here on this earth, I bow my head and say, I loved you…no regrets. Rest in peace and may the autumn breeze raise your spirit and frolic with your memories forever. I will always remember the beauty of yesterday’s moment..

Charlie Died Today

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Charlie died today. He was the family pet of my daughters. My heart aches for my 2 grandchildren this evening, because they are engulfed in grief of having to say goodbye to their sweet Charlie. I hate that they have to go through this. They are too young to feel such pain of death. And there is nothing I can do, or their Mom can do, except hug them and let their tears flow.

Life can be so cruel some times. 😦