And then came you…
We are what we feel. Learning to manage your feeling, understanding them, is one of the “tools” that we can never do without, as we continue on our individual journey, on this earth. Sometimes it takes seeking out a neutral party to learn how to do that, to get those tools of life management. We are alive to learn, to evolve and when we stop doing those things, it can be so easy to become depressed and feel alone. Because we forget that we are never really alone, there is you, yourself and the “I”. Sometimes taking a look inward at YOU can be a scary thing, so we take the easy way and focus on everyone else, everything else instead, never really being happy or experiencing that feeling of contentment. We blame others for our unhappiness, when all we have to do, is ask ourselves, who, what, where, when.
Who are you?
What are you?
Where are you?
When are you happy?
Leaving unhappiness, is not always easy, especially if we have been living there a long time.
One cold winter night, year 3 of 11 years single, my evening ritual of getting ready to go to bed, took about an hour. I took the long soak in bubbles, with music low, then straightened up the cushions on the sofa, put my tea mug in the sink and once I shut off all the lights, made my way to my bedroom. It was so quiet. I had no neighbors close by, so from outside all I could hear was the winter wind blowing up against the house. I stood at my dresser, brushed the knots out of my hair to tie it up and started to think to myself..
.. is this not where I am suppose to be feeling lonely? In the quiet at night, being single, with no one around? No one to say good night to, or to hear those words being said to me? No one to remind me of tomorrows agenda? There was no one but me. Aren’t I suppose to be lonely after so many nights of this? I stopped brushing my hair, stood there in the complete silence, looked at myself in the mirror, closed my eyes and concentrated on that feeling of, loneliness.. but.. I wasn’t feeling it.. it wasn’t erupting from deep within my heart and soul. I opened my eyes and smiled at the lady in the mirror and said..
Who am I? I am, me, myself and I !
What am I? I am happy !
Where am I? In a great place in my life !
When am I happy? When ever I chose to be!
(Alfred Stevens – Woman in front of a mirror (c.1870)
I made choices, in the best interest of me. And realized that life is not about pleasing everyone else. To be original, we have to please ourselves first. And no one said it was going to be easy, but nothing worth everything, is pain free. We have to endure the pain, to appreciate the healing.
Yes, life on earth is a journey and we have to take our individual paths, over the speed bumps, through the stormy weather. There is no short cuts. There is a quote I read..
“If you go through the tunnel you will come out better on the other end, but if you go around, you avoided the whole journey.”
My journey is not over by a long shot. I was ready for company on my life’s journey and I found or, was found by, the perfect person for me, to come/go along for the ride. I am so ready to learn, to see the world through his eyes and relate to him my visions of the world and life as I see it. I am proud to ride, “shotgun” and enjoy the view at this point.
And if my life on this earth is to end, which it will, just when, I don’t know… how does that song go by ole blue eyes?
“I did it my way!”