Lost In The Residential School Hallways

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It is said once you can think of an event, a heart breaking event and not shed tears, you have dealt with it and have closure. I don’t know if I ever will be able to think of an ojibway boy child, lost and abused in the halls of a residential school and not shed tears, especially since that boy child grew up to be, my father.

His spirit was left in those hallways and I don’t think he was ever able to retrieve it before he parted this earth in 2006.

As an adult now, I can understand how he lived his years trying to prove his worth and trying to prove it to himself was the greatest struggle of all.

I know he was not all he could of been, as a man, as a husband and father, yet I know he did his personal best and for that, I love him. But my heart will always ache for the boy inside the man.

Thinking of you Dad, always. ..rest in peace.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

It was the year of someone’s Lord, 1961, on March 6th. A cool frosty morning, a child was born. The 4th child, the 1st daughter to the parents, who will bring 7 more into this God forsaken world before they were done. So almost as if she knew there were more babies to come, the Mommy decided, she would breast feed her little angel, she called Cynthia. (ahem) . She was set into her Mom’s waiting arms, the nurse watching as baby latched on and began to feed. So she left Mother and child in peace as they bonded. But Mommy was tired and as baby fed, Mommy began to fall asleep. Like a deer in headlights baby Cynthia could see Mommy’s eyes getting heavy till they eventually closed, then she felt herself slipping from Mommy’s arms! Oh no!.. Yes.. Mommy let go of Baby Cynthia and to the commercial tile, the hospital floor, she landed, upon her head. 18 Nurse come running into room, to find Baby Cynthia crying like a baby and Mommy crying like a Mommy who just dropped her baby. Ah yes.. Baby Cynthia knew at that point, that this life was going to be suck! and it began on the commercial tile at the Espanola Hospital in 1961… Fack! Someone get me a a Tylenol, I have a headache just thinking of it ffs!…. anyway.. HAPPY 55TH BIRTHDAY TO ME!.. I’m still here!.. BAM

Dysfunctional Started The Day You Were Born

I come across this quote and wanted to share it… wow, it gives such a great visual of being born into a world of dysfunction… in so many forms…

“The story of my birth that my mother told me went like this: “When you were coming out I wasn’t ready yet and neither was the nurse. The nurse tried to push you back in, but I shit on the table and when you came out, you landed in my shit.”

If there ever was a way to sum things up, the story of my birth was it.”
Sierra D. Waters, Debbie.

My Mother Is My Best Friend??

If you have a face book account, I imagine in your news feed you will see all sorts of graphic posts with different sayings and beliefs. Some are very funny, some are inspirational, some you will agree with, someone you won’t agree with. There are a few I totally disagree with, even when at times it is posted with the greatest intentions and I’ll be the first to say, bless your heart.

Below is my rant regarding such posts..

“Anyone can be a friend. There are many who can become a best friend through out our lifetime. Good friends come and go. Best friends you can talk to one day and not talk to you for 15 years, yet pick up where you left off .That is all fine and a great part of our lives with people we care about. However, I do not want to be a fair-weather friend, a once in a lifetime friend or best friend. I want the respect of the greatest title and position in your life. I was the first in your life, there is only one of you in my life and my relationship with you is incomparably unique., No I don’t want to be your best friend because the greatest honour is being called.. Mother..
Just as my greatest privilege was giving birth to you, my son, my daughter, you can always count on me, 24/7 for the rest of my life on this earth, to defend you, to give you the necessities of life, as you grow to be a positive force with great morals during your life time on this earth. It will always be my given right to lead you in a positive manner, to guide you at times on a broken path. As Mary, the Mother of Jesus, did for HIM, she was there when HE needed her, she cradled HIM in her arms as only a Mother can do when the rest of the world, even friends, turned against HIM and then accepted HIS choices when HE made them.
Yes, all my children, they will attest to this.. I am their Mother, not their best friend and that is my honour.”

Maybe that is just one of the things wrong with the world today? To many parents are content with being their child’s best friend, instead of taking that lead position the were given the day the child was born? Stop trying to be our children’s best friend and start being who you are meant to be the day you gave birth to them, their Mother.

I imagine there will be so many views regarding this. This is mine and I accept the position with pride.

There is no greater position in life that can bring you so much heartache at times, yet no position that will bring a heart to the greatest heights of joy.. Mother.

I am a Mother and like me, there is NO other!

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(A scene from a movie, showing the love of best friends during the greatest heartbreak of being a mother at times)