“There’s a fine line between love and hate.

Anyone want to play double dutch?” – Snowy Impressions

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Stripping

Stripping is a lot of work for any one.  I have been stripping for years, layer by layer and it is tough work, no matter how much area you have to uncover.

And no, I am not talking about stripping your clothes off, but glad I got your attention eh?..lol..

In short, I was raised a Roman Catholic, my Mother French, my father Ojibway. Two people who grew up in the same home town, the only difference was, my father was put in a residential school as a child and stripped of his being as he knew it, his language, his self confidence, his heritage, like it was all dirty laundry. I could and should write a book about life with Dad and maybe I will some day. Right now I am still learning so much about who he was, and who I am. One thing I know I am NOT, is catholic. I struggled with the confusion of what happened to my father, with praising a God, a religion that took the souls of innocent children. How can anyone praise such an act, done in the name of their God?

There was this elderly couple that use to come and get me to go to church when I was about 7 or 8 years old. And they always told me the night before, do not eat breakfast before church! You are suppose to attend church on an empty stomach. Of course I wondered why but never asked for an answer. I got up early, got bathed and dressed always in a dress for church and waited to be picked up by the elderly friends of the family. Upon entering the church there was this odour, today I believe it was probably incense and there would be an alter boy lighting candles about the alter area before service. I sat about mid way in the room on a cold wooden straight back pew. There was no falling asleep here, that’s for sure but yet I wondered how some people did fall asleep about half way through a service, usually older gents. Between my 2 elders I was huddled, he would sent his hat on his lap, she her purse on her lap.

Then I looked up at the alter, every Sunday, to the man, the statue on the cross, with painted blood dripping from the nail holes in his palms and atop his feet, blood running down his face from the thorn crown, these things done by man, who were apparently made in this God’s likeness. Why would they kill one of their own, crucify a son of a God? And each Sunday we who sat in the pews were told to ask for forgiveness for this act and that the God did forgive us for doing this to his son. Yet I felt guilty, for what we humans did. Then we are asked to drink his blood and eat his body during communion. Yes I knew it was watered down wine and pressed bread rings, but the fact still implanted in my brain, the guilt and the eating of his body and drinking of his blood. How horrific it was!!! for my little child brain. Argh. All this on an empty stomach!!

9 years ago, I started reading, more and more about religions and faith. I attended 3 different churches and boy that little confused girl was alive and well once again. So many questions, but this time, having to seek the true answers myself.

In the past 7 years, I have been stripping all these childhood religious beliefs from my thought process and began to follow a pagan path, along with Wicca teachings and the culture of my heritage, my native heritage.

There is still a long way to go and after talking to some, it is pretty much never ending. I am seeing just how magickal the world really is and beautiful with out the guilt and trauma imposed on children and adults through the catholic church.

I don’t expect anyone to walk with me in my current beliefs and hope no one is expecting me to walk with them and their beliefs or that one is wrong and one is right.

It is what it is. Its about finding inner peace with our beliefs and questioning everything. It is about pecking all the fruits and nuts off the top of a muffin, getting back to the basic then adding what ever flavour of icing you choose.

After all, it is my own soul I am feeding and my souls palette is sensitive to all tastes at this point in my life.

So mote it be!

Time Escapes Me!

I haven’t written any poetry in a while, but this morning over coffee, life kind of got poetic. So here is what fell from the tips of my fingers to the keyboard. Enjoy!
~Time Escapes Me~
Just when I think I have it’s hand, it moves ahead.
“Wait! Wait for me Please?” I cried aloud
Over it’s shoulder it smiles and says
“Time waits for no one child! Do what needs to be done now!”
Falling to my knees, I cry out. “But, I have so much to do, where do I find you Time? I am so tired!”
“Many before you have tried to stop Time child!’ he laughed, “but no one can stop Time, you make me! and you will always find me, if you want me. Take me! Share me! Because the day will come, where you wished you had!”
I whispered through tear drops, “I can not let Time escape me. I will find you and together we will capture moments in Time!”

Free To Believe

Judgement is alive and well in the world today. No matter what you practice, whether you are among a minority or majority, if the masses or powers that be were taught at a young age something is not right, they truly believe it is not.

It takes years to empty ones head of old school thinking/methods/brainwashing, when their heart and soul believes in something else. Who is to say what is right or wrong?

Living in small town Canada, this is right in my face, truth. Being raised Catholic, I lived in a catholic religion world. I was afraid of “God”, I was afraid of the priest, I was afraid of talking out loud within the 4 walls of the church. I was so afraid to sin! I was afraid to eat before church on Sunday because I was told, you praise “God” on an empty stomach. Did “God” like the sounds of rumbling stomachs, as His followers knelt before the priest in the church on Sunday morning? As a young girl, these are the thoughts that would float through my little brain, as I stood, knelt and sat at my pew beside my elders. I couldn’t see anything from my pew, being as short as I was, as I am, but I could hear the rumbling stomachs, as well as the off key congregation singing , The Old Wooden Cross and smell the bad morning breaths hovering over my head. Funny thing is, with regards to the wooden cross, just a couple years ago, when I posted in my social media, a picture of Jesus, resembling, Carey Price, my Habs goalie with the slogan, “God Bless Jesus Price”, one of my followers, a practising Catholic was so insulted that I did and he made comment to just how insulted he was, that another follower responded to him,

“Put down the cross, we need the wood!”

The practising Catholic was so angry and the gent on a spiritual journey wasn’t. Why?And that gent was a believer in The Creator,  on his journey of recovery, so it made me begin thinking more of this whole religion thing. Where was it leading me? \how and what roll was it playing in my life, positive, negative or at all?

What or who could I relate to, as an adult, free to pick my leader. lol And where do I want to be lead to? This is where my native culture began to play a greater part in my life and a pagan world I had began following years prior but let the teachings fall to the wayside. So I picked up where I left off.

Oh what a judgemental world we live in and how real that is when you follow a path of Wicca beliefs, paganism and the church of nature. I still have a long way to go, but what a beautiful inner peace I have gained. I don’t question my being, like I did for so long. I am perfect, just the way I am and so are you!

Believe in what you want, I won’t judge you or force upon you my beliefs, I ask for the same in return. There is the biggest challenge for us all. 😉

awqer

My Trail Mix

me4I started walking this path the day I was born, but it did not become a reality for me until 2005 and I don’t think it will ever end.

My belief in something greater than myself.. a Goddess, a God, a Creator.

This Creator of mine is not who/what my parents believed in, the schools or churches I went to as a child. This Creator is something/someone who was with me through all my own life experiences, the most recent since 2005. My Creator has brought me comfort and salvation through lessons and unconditional love.  My Creator showed me, my own strength.

Until the day comes when we all hit our bottoms or begin searching for peace of mind, soul and body, the Creator awaits without judgement, arms wide open and guidance.

I found my Creator between the Wicca teachings and my native culture. I am fulfilled and humbly grateful.

 

 

Who, What, Where & When Am I?

And then came you…
We are what we feel. Learning to manage your feeling, understanding them, is one of the “tools” that we can never do without, as we continue on our individual journey, on this earth. Sometimes it takes seeking out a neutral party to learn how to do that, to get those tools of life management. We are alive to learn, to evolve and when we stop doing those things, it can be so easy to become depressed and feel alone. Because we forget that we are never really alone, there is you, yourself and the “I”. Sometimes taking a look inward at YOU can be a scary thing, so we take the easy way and focus on everyone else, everything else instead, never really being happy or experiencing that feeling of contentment. We blame others for our unhappiness, when all we have to do, is ask ourselves, who, what, where, when.
Who are you?
What are you?
Where are you?
When are you happy?
Leaving unhappiness, is not always easy, especially if we have been living there a long time.
One cold winter night,  year 3 of 11 years single, my evening ritual of getting ready to go to bed, took about an hour. I took the long soak in bubbles, with music low, then straightened up the cushions on the sofa, put my tea mug in the sink and once I shut off all the lights, made my way to my bedroom. It was so quiet. I had no neighbors close by, so from outside all I could hear was the winter wind blowing up against the house. I stood at my dresser, brushed the knots out of my hair to tie it up and started to think to myself..
.. is this not where I am suppose to be feeling lonely? In the quiet at night, being single, with no one around? No one to say good night to, or to hear those words being said to me? No one to remind me of tomorrows agenda? There was no one but me. Aren’t I suppose to be lonely after so many nights of this? I stopped brushing my hair, stood there in the complete silence, looked at myself in the mirror, closed my eyes and concentrated on that feeling of, loneliness.. but.. I wasn’t feeling it.. it wasn’t erupting from deep within my heart and soul. I opened my eyes and smiled at the lady in the mirror and said..
I’m okay!
Who am I? I am, me, myself and I !
What am I? I am happy !
Where am I? In a great place in my life !
When am I happy? When ever I chose to be!

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(Alfred Stevens – Woman in front of a mirror (c.1870)

 

 
I made choices, in the best interest of me. And realized that life is not about pleasing everyone else. To be original, we have to please ourselves first. And no one said it was going to be easy, but nothing worth everything, is pain free. We have to endure the pain, to appreciate the healing.
Yes, life on earth is a journey and we have to take our individual paths, over the speed bumps, through the stormy weather. There is no short cuts. There is a quote I read..
“If you go through the tunnel you will come out better on the other end, but if you go around, you avoided the whole journey.”
My journey is not over by a long shot. I was ready for company on my life’s journey and I found or, was found by, the perfect person for me, to come/go along for the ride. I am so ready to learn, to see the world through his eyes and relate to him my visions of the world and life as I see it. I am proud to ride, “shotgun” and enjoy the view at this point.
And if my life on this earth is to end, which it will, just when, I don’t know… how does that song go by ole blue eyes?
“I did it my way!”

I Just Gave Up!

I gave up on us
broken pieces
I gave up on my addiction
foggy decisions
I gave up on conditional love
aching hearts
I gave up on taming my demons
toxic energies
I just gave up
because… sometimes
…..one has to be strong enough to just let go……
so
I
just
gave
up!

~ written by Snowy Impressions – November 14, 2016

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