Where She Is, I Was, I Am

She said, “​I feel every loss in my life that my spirit is so lost at times.”, when I asked, “Have you ever been so sad, that it physically hurts inside?”
Little did I know her answer, her reality, would reawaken an old ghost in my being, an old ghost that I thought I had laid to rest. This message on paper is my attempt at laying to rest once again that old ghost and to do that, I have to return to what was in the past, who was in my past and that which haunted me.
I begin to see that little girl of yester years, as she stood there dressed in her white cotton dress and boots, a mere 2 foot tall being, the spiraling winds of life swirling around her, lifting to the wind the loose tresses from the pinned bun atop her head. Her hands clasped together in front of her, no tears, she only looks to the sky and awaits for the winds to lift her to what or who was ever there. But all she could hear was the load voices of grown ups, yelling in madness, crying words she did not understand. She opens her hands, raising her arms to the sky, like wings. She waited for the winds to grab hold of her and take her away. She closed her eyes, brought her hands in a clasp over her head as the winds grew stronger. “Keep your eyes closed child, but keep your heart wide open!” was the words she heard in the winds at that moment. Slowly she began to feel herself being raised from the ground she stood……….she was lost… to the world.
I lived my life, with all it’s challenges, with all its blessings, I lived, but there was days, I did feel lost and waiting to be found. Then one day, something had died inside of me. I now was mourning something or someone I did not know, or did I? In that struggle of not wanting to feel that pain, I suppressed it, more and more each day, until I was a little child again and the only emotion was, grief, such an outpouring of grief. Like fireflies swarming around my head, all life’s trials and tribulations flickered through my mind! I opened my eyes, once again, I was that little girl, but she was not being uplifted by the winds, she was being brought back to earth at a rapid pace. Her little body shifting, tossing, being thrown about in the winds current. Then all of the sudden, the raging winds calmed, her body come within mere inches of the earths ground, slowly, like she was laying atop a cloud on her back, arms spread to their extent on each side of her, her body spun slowly, around and around for what seemed like an eternity… then the wind calmed even more, she felt the cool grasses on her back, she had touched the earth. She opened her eyes slowly….as she raised herself into a sitting position……….
She sees a young woman sitting at a table, with her head laid atop her crossed arms, she was crying and through the sobs and tears was asking, “What do I do?”, over and over she asked.  The skies opened up above them both, the brightest of light came through the clouds, so bright, neither could challenge it even with a squinting eyes. They both felt the warmth of the light upon their skin, the tingle of every nerve under their skin, the weightless of burdens released, then a voice. Not a voice you can hear with your ears, but one you can only hear with your heart..”for every burden you have endured, you gained 3 blessings. Now go and count them.”  She had just been touched by Spirit.
As I sit atop my bed and type these words on my laptop, I have earbuds in, listening to the same album I use to listen to years ago, that aided me in getting my thoughts down on paper,  Sacred Spirit – Chants and Dances of the Native Americans Vol 1.. every few minutes I take my fingers away, from the keyboard to rock my upper body back and forth as I sit in a cross legged position.​ My eyes are closed when I type, only opening to sit back, closing again, as I rock to the sound of the music being generated into my mind and those nerve endings through out my body, tingle. At this point, I know I am embraced by Spirit, this I count as, blessing number one……
.. I will continue this story in my next post. I want to enjoy this feeling of Spirit, while it is here within.

A Child Of The 1970’s

Running to find the biggest field with the longest swaying in the breeze grasses..laying down with arms stretched out and looking up to watch the clouds slowly drift by and think..imagine..smile and or cry……

Born A Sinner?

We’re all born innocent, I believe. But how long into our lives on this earth, before we commit one of those 7 deadly sins? No one informed me as a toddler, a youngster, pre-teen about these deadly sins. And another thing, I’m still alive! Does that mean I am still innocent? Who has the answers to these questions and who is keeping tabs on me? Dagnabit! ;).. and who made this list anyway?

7 Deadly Sins

  1. Pride
  2. Envy
  3. Gluttony
  4. Lust
  5. Anger
  6. Greed
  7. Sloth

Pride aka ego, is excessive belief in one’s own abilities.

Envy is the desire for others’ traits, status, abilities, or situation.

Gluttony is an addictive type desire to consume more than that which one requires.

Lust is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.

Anger is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury.

Greed is the desire for material wealth or gain, forgetting about the spiritual.

Sloth is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work

You’re Such A Bully!

For as long as I recall, even being a child myself at one time, there has always been the Bully’s. But what amazes me more than that is how many parents seem to be turning a blind eye to the fact their child is a Bully or know they are & don’t do anything about it. Are parents scared of their own children, they don’t discipline them accordingly or are they, that Bully, from back in the day, raising today’s Bully’s? Inquiring minds wanna know!

An Abused Child’s Christmas Prayer


When I think of Christmas, I think of Christmas past. Of when I was a child but more so when my children were young and living at home. Now they are living productive lives, raising children of their own and I get to spend Christmas with them and the babies. I think of all the laughter and the tears of joy, mixed in with the Christmas carols and a turkey feast.

But wait! Isn’t that what Christmas is about? About a child who was born to save us all. A child who grew up to be a Higher Power that gave up his life on this earth for all God’s children?? Isn’t that why we are to cherish the child, to gift the child because that child is our future and if we want any kind of future on this earth we need to take care of our children.

It will always be a villages duty to help raise every child born into this world. They did not ask to be born, so we as adults must do right by each and every one of them. To give them all the necessities of life, to be healthy in mind body and soul!

Then why today, was I able to type in a few words into a browser and find that  in north and south America and Canada , our children are being abused in such horrific ways??

– Police find boy cuffed with dead chicken on neck.

– Daughter locked in basement for 6 years

– Mechanic opens trunk, finds starving baby

– A 2,4,5 and 6 yr old boys found starving, living in filth

– Mom charged with helping boyfriend rape her 4 yr old son

– Mom throws infant at Deputy in a getaway bid.

Is this not the free world that other worlds to the east , west, south  look to for freedom?? Are we not a civilized continent?

Why are we in other countries fighting for what we believe their rights are, when our children’s rights are so abused ?

Give your time and any spare money to your LOCAL children’s foundations, which can be, food banks, Brownies and Girl Guide Clubs, Boys Scouts, the children’s wing at your local hospital, just to name a couple.

My stomach is sick thinking of what is taking place currently in the world around me to the children in my neighbourhood. And no, I realize that I can not save the world or every child in it. But what I can do, is save the children I do know personally, my own, my children’s children, my sisters children, my brothers children, my cousins children, my friends children.. I can save them from being abused when they should be living a life of love and learning.

I will condemn anyone I see abusing a child in my vision. It is my maternal instinct, my God given right as a Mother and caretaker.

So this year before we sit around the Christmas tree on Christmas morning, handing gifts to our children, take the time on Christmas Eve to explain to them the meaning of the season and why children are a blessing and why they are receiving gifts.. Because we were all saved, by a child that was born so long ago named Jesus. Then be ready for the questions they have. Be ready to answer them

When my children were young, we had a birthday cake for Baby Jesus Christmas Eve and I did explain to them the meaning of Christmas and why Jesus’s birthday was and is so special. It’s never too late to start a new tradition

God Bless ALL our children!!


~ Children Singing Their Praise ~

Appreciating Who I Am & Who You Are

Its not always easy to understand another persons heritage or culture, why they do the
things they do with regards. I believe ignorance plays a big part when anyone comes to their
own conclusion thinking they know another persons culture, coming across as very critical.

We all come from somewhere, someone and no one should be discounted in any way.
There is a new wave it seems with regards to the native culture and non-natives. The non-natives
are wanting to experience the native culture, which is a great thing, but what part are
they wanting to experience? I think to some degree they are not sure themselves, but sense
something great about the native man/woman/child. The beauty of the native person is their
spirituality, this is what I think is the magnet to non natives.

This is all my personal thoughts with regards and don’t speak for any other native or non-native.
Being on the internet there is no shortage of definitions with regards to spirituality,
native or not and just like you can’t believe everything you are told, we should not believe
everything we read either. I guess one could say you’re on a vision quest, you need a
change in your life and or you’re wondering what you should do with the rest of your life
which can be so confusing most of the time. The road is never a straight and narrow one,
things are always changing, most of the time it is an uphill battle and we ask the question

I do believe any vision quest does not end till we are well into our adult hood, having
experienced so much of life, and live to tell about it. There are times when we meet up with
someone that we do not consider to be an elder yet they seem so wise and that is usually
because they have been through a lot in their young lives, sorted it out, learnt the lesson and
is able to relay the answers to some questions more easily than others. We are all born with
the ability to create meaning for our own lives and it does not happen over night, it is a
process of growth, first physically, then spiritually through coming of age.. so the vision quest
was and still is in the defining moment in a persons life when they come to terms with all that
has happened, can honestly say, without regret, and have a peace of mind spiritually.

I do believe in a Higher Power, something greater than myself and I also believe that any hill
I climb in my life is so I can relate to another who has climbed the same hill, so I can have a
greater sense of empathy, maybe I am wrong and this is just my way of not going crazy
when things don’t go smoothly. I told a friend not long ago, now when I am in pain, I begin to pray, at times in tears, I don’t ask ‘why me?’, anymore in prayer, I ask for healing.

That is a part of my spirituality, a part of who I am, because I know that
there is someone out there in greater pain than I and I don’t have to watch television to see it
or hear about it on the radio, there are people in some sort of pain around all of us daily. We
can not fix the whole world but we can help a friend, a family member or a neighbor, making
changes in our own world and in doing so, others do the same and on and on.

I am so proud of my native heritage and even more so, I am proud to be ME, native or