Life is not always fair for some. And one of those who get dealt a not so good hand at times is the, single parent.
There may be a reason or an excuse why one parent can not, will not take on their roll as a parent seriously or maybe because of a death. But either or, someone ends up being a single parent.
As a child I recall which parent played the good cop and which played the bad cop. Well what does a single parent do in that case? What an emotional struggle for that one parent who never rests from any title that is given usually to a set of parents, now takes on ALL titles with hopes that they are tough enough or leaniant enough at the right time for the child(ren).
There is no slushing off or getting free time as much as a set of parents can.
I was not a single parent but know of a few and my hats go off to you, and prayers as well as great vibes are sent out to each of you.
You will be rewarded.
Sitting here sipping my 1st coffee, trying to think of a trip as a family we may have taken when I was a wee gal.. and my mind goes blank..because our parents didn’t spend that kind of money..they had 11 children! We were our own Disney Land, or circus freak show..lol..I think I will blame, things got tough when “they” came along, the 4 Little ones.. haha.. we couldnt afford to do anything then..lol..But I do recall being sent to bible camp 😦 when we lived in… Elliot Lake. Joey, my brother a year older than I, was suppose to come with me, at the last minute he cried saying he didn’t want to go. Ohh I was mad. And Mom bought me 2 sets of pjs from Kresgees, flannel ones, to find they were too small when I went to wear a set my 1st night there. omg!!. And there was no such thing as cell phones. There was Emergency phone numbers on your application for the camp leaders only. So I was bored! but survived by tossing a big wad of bubble gum across the dark bedroom to land in the hair of the snotty blond girl in the bunk next to mine..I be bad.. she cried and the leader yelled out, who shot thid gum??!! I turned over and cried, because that was one of those moments I hated Mom for sending me away.. so I took my pencil I wrote on my bedsheet.. I hate you Mom!.. Didn’t matter, she wasn’t washing these sheets and wouldn’t see that..lol. I am not sure if my older brothers, Darcy, Geno or Joey went on any summer vacays or not. But at the end of the summer, we had memories, whether away from home or not. And now my children take their babes, my nuggets on summer vacays, making memories, as for toting along cell phones.. I wish everyone took one weekend away with their spouse and children..NO CELLS.. or electronics.. start listening to eachothers voices again, hear what they are really saying.. express like we use to do, with out loud belly laughs, screaming with laughter as you play tag, sing a song in the car as you motor along, introduce yourselves to the family in the camper parked next to yours at the campground.. go swimming! Just do stuff without the mechanics. Do you recall a vacay good or bad that you can share? Family or alone… as a child??
“It’s like riding a bike, you never forget.”
I don’t believe that quote anymore, as I age.
There is many things I don’t recall how to do or what I did to achieve a positive outcome. Timing is every thing, it helps us forget and helps us remember. I ask a lot of questions of friends and family (Mom use to call me a, Question Box) and a lot of the time, the answer is, “I don’t remember.”
And what about the younger generation? Who think they know everything. I think I have forgotten more than they know, I just don’t recall half of what I know.
Memories are an important part of my life, I don’t live in the past, but I don’t want to forget it either. Because Mom had dementia and I do recall her frustration when she could not recall something. So, I will keep talking, asking questions and probing for answers. I love google!!..lol…
Keep sharp, be that 2 year old who constantly ask questions. You never know what you could learn, if you listen. But that is another subject, eh?. 😉
Where was I going with this
One thing I hated as a child, was when Mom would make me wear a toque to school on cold winter mornings. And the only time she could make when was when she couldn’t find the hair brush that morning.
“Just put a toque on!” she would yell from the other room.
Argh! I would pout and say no, lets just find the brush. But she would interrupt me by saying I was going to be late for the bus, put on the dam toque and get out there with your brothers.
I had these 3 older brothers that would tease me all the time. Knowing, I hated wearing a toque, surely one of them would point and snicker at me, usually my brother Joey, rest in peace Bro, wishing you were still here to tease me.
And the toques back then were NOT like the cute toques now. Nope, you had a, itchy wool, blah colored toque, that was worn to keep your noggin warm. And heaven help me if I tried to remove it from my head at school, the static, would stand my messed up hair on end.
As a human race we have evolved in many great ways and not so many great ways. Technology has come a long way, to the point, everything gets video taped. There is no more second guessing what may have happened when someone breaks the law, it will be filmed, even when it is the law who is breaking it. No one is safe from getting caught red handed. But there is just as many who do invade the privacy of others with that technology, from young people posting pictures on social sites of a girl who in the heat of the moment may have trusted a guy, was using her heart instead of her head and that heart felt moment for her turns into heartache. .she commits suicide because the world sees what 99% of people did at some point in their life, trust someone, and she was taped and shamed. Then you have people who abuse women and children. Twenty years ago or more, women and children were abused behind closed doors, nothing was said by the abused when they left that home, afraid of retaliation if they did. Suppressed and belittled, that woman and or child endured years of abuse. And the sad part of that one is.. IT IS STILL HAPPENING!!!.. In this day and age, that abuse is still happening, even with all the technology, warnings and help out there, the abuser is still abusing. And that woman and child are still suppressed and made to feel shame. This has to change. We need to evolve to where that abuser will think twice before raising that hand or voice, we need the abuser to fear what will happen if he does, we need the abuser to be suppressed and feel shame. Then I think about how much abuse and suppression has happened to the indigenous people in this great country. If only we had today’s technology back in those days, to record the abuse of this country’s indigenous nation. But it is no secret, it is written, somewhere, for all to read. It is just we have become mind lazy. If we don’t see instantaneously, what did or is happening, we tend not to believe or take the time to understand. I am a daughter of one of those native children put in a residential school. No I was not there at the time, no I never seen film footage of what my father went through as a child. But I know for a fact how he felt, not only as a child, suppressed and abused, but as an adult who’s dignity and self right was stripped from him. I know for a fact the shame he felt at the hands of the white man, the priests, because I was at the receiving end of my father’s hand for many years and as a child had no idea what I was doing wrong to warrant such abuse and I am not going to speak for anyone else in our household, because every one has their story. Every child has a story to tell when they grow into adults, IF and that is a big IF, they live long enough to realize they did nothing wrong and begin to heal and forgive. Don’t get me wrong, I love my father with all my heart. I understand my father, even today, after he has passed over, the wrong that was done him as a child, as a native child and I have forgiven him because of what he shared with me. However, that little boy and little native girl from back in the day, is and are still being abused and taken for granted, the offspring, the great grandchildren of those children, are still being suppressed and made to feel like they are not worthy of protection from abusers and killers. Their mother’s and fathers are being told that their child’s death is not a priority to this country’s government. And once the house burns down, killing 2 native babies, once the smoke settles, ashes to ashes, the silence is deafening… no one is hearing the cries of the women and children of indigenous heritage..
But! I hope and pray that as this world evolves, in time, so does the understanding, no matter your race, religion or color of your skin, your life does matter to your neighbour, to your government. And that the need for healing is so great. But to heal, the non-native needs to take the time to read, to talk, to listen to what has happened to their indigenous brothers and sisters and stand beside them, not in front of them and no child is left behind in shame or alone in the darkness of being misunderstood, because a little light was always shining, but made brighter with the empathy of ALL the peoples of this great country, we call Canada!
“I learned from what The elders say along the path of my healing journey. Wounded people often learn to become the wounded healers because they develop empathy for the suffering of others. ‘The longest road you’re going to have to walk is from your head to your heart.’ But they also say you can’t speak to the people as a leader unless you’ve made the return journey. From the heart back to the head.” ~ E.Morgan
~White Buffalo Calf Woman talked with the women of the village that they might remember their great importance and role in the life of the tribe, for it was the women who sustained the tribe…she also talked to the children, reminding them that they were the future of the tribe and must prepare themselves in a good and sacred way…the Sacred Pipe was entrusted to them, however, the trust was not for them alone, but for …all the People…~ ~~American Indian Prophecies~
This tragedy started behind closed doors of every home on the Cul de Sac. And it will continue to spin out of control with a sour long term result because of a few individuals acting independently serving their own self interest. Yet at the end of the day they will be the only one losing the game they play. It’s been a tug of war for so long, the lack of understanding when it comes to the history of condemnation of the native peoples. There is a constant phrase in the air, “Get over it – it is done. We are not responsible for what our fore-fathers did back in the day.” That is correct, but today is not yesterday and the colors of the forefathers shine bright in the family tree, when comments such as below are made and are heard by the native young, trying to live in a new world, that is still thinking like the old world.
“These damn Native kids, they’re always getting stuff for free. They don’t care about anything. Just like all the other Natives.”
It is time for non-natives to speak out against such racism in the world today if there is to be any peace in the neighbourhoods for their children and grandchildren. Don’t let history repeat it self. What is not taught in the history books in your children’s school, should be taught at home. Stop leaving your child’s moral education up to some one else. Enlighten them first on the tragedy, when it began, how it keeps an ebb and flow. It will always have an ebb and flow but it is about making the flowing back of your teachings, knowledge, as they return into the ocean of life.
In Canada alone, of the three Aboriginal groups, First Nations 851,560 has the largest population, followed by Métis 451,795, and Inuits 59,445. Yes our numbers are great and for this country we can make a difference in the future of our children. Teaching them to stand up and for each other as individuals when it comes to their different heritage and culture, to them as a group of people, no matter their race.
The peace of our children’s world will have to be pledged by the mother’s of all children from the 4 points of this country, Canada, the village. It is time, time to teach, time to learn and time to embrace all that we are and all that we can be with pride and the only sacrifice made will be ignorance.