What Is Dysfunctional?

Having worked in the addictions field, one word a person hears a lot is, dysfunctional. Which leads many, I find, to think, dysfunctional relates only to the world of addicts. And I have heard many deny they may be dysfunctional because there was no addiction tendencies in the family. People are not born dysfunctional, we are raised in dysfunctional surroundings. And as much as we may want to deny it, the air we were raised in at times for many is, toxic air. We all have our tolerance levels and the good thing is when we do realize things are not as they should be, when living in a toxic world and start leading lives in such a way.

 

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I read a lot, always have. Not just the harlequin romance novels, but self help and a lot about the human conditions. Whether I am told my thoughts are wrong or to prove to myself, my thoughts are right, I get myself educated on many topics.

Dysfunctional traits come from a few traits and for those who are not living in the addiction life, it comes from.. fear… guilt and shame. When we don’t seek out the help to heal those 3 things, we live a numb life, in denial… dysfunctional!

One can only hope this post hits home in a positive way, that one person wants to seek out professional help, so they can lead a full functional life. After all, this is it.. there is not other life on earth after this one. It is what it is.. over. Live love and be happy!

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HONESTLY SINGLE

One thing I have heard alot over the years of being single from people who are either in a relationship or married is, “glad I’m not single anymore! Seems like the life of dating or to find a partner sucks these days!”
Being pretty much single 10 of 13 years, that statement is fact! I don’t think you will find a “single person” over 40 yrs old say they love being single. Whether it’s a man or woman living the single life for 3 plus years, they usually have worked alot on overcoming alot of past issues in their lives and just becoming a better person all around, knowing their self worth and want to be found by that one person who can appreciate everything about them. No one is perfect and no one more than a, long term single, knows that better than many. You can not find a, single person, saying they are okay with not, cuddling another person or not having that one person to spend the rest of their life with. For myself I can be honest and will say, all I want is some one that will match the effort I bring to the relationship. Yes we all have our bad days, but we want some one in our lives that is strong enough, who loves us enough, who can cope with the bad days and show the appreciation for the great days. A long term single person doesn’t want to enter a relationship where they see more red flags than hearts. And maybe we, singles, do have a few more expectations, but again we don’t want to be the only one of the couple, making all the exceptions. The drive between two lovers should be a delight, and the journey is usually made up of no exceptions for many. I for one, won’t settle just to be with someone. There has to be chemistry. Oil and vinegar will never mix, there has to be a binder of some sort to hold it together, if not, then expect it to separate. So don’t think your single friends are too fussy or expect too much of another, we are motivated by first and foremost, knowing our worth and believing a, Mr. Right or Ms. Right is maybe just around the corner, armed with that unconditional love you happy couples brag about all the time. Until then, even in our loneliest hour we will fall asleep hugging our pillows a little tighter than most and let our faith and good old destiny play it’s roll each morning we wake up because we have come to realize the difference between an, I love you and I am IN love with you.

 

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Being Noticed

Did you ever hear of, Iyanla Vanzant ?, She is an American inspirational speaker, lawyer, spiritual teacher, author and life coach. I have read a couple of her books and watched her show on television a couple times. Her advice is so great and I think that is because she has lived the circumstance, learnt how to deal with it and is willing to share just how to get over life crap with her followers. One of her quotes goes something like, ‘we all want to be liked, loved and appreciated by our loves ones, family and close friends. And that is fine, what is not fine is the things we do, to get that appreciation and love.” You can’t be the only one always reaching out to others, especially if you are not being acknowledged by others as well. When people care about your part in the lives, they will reach out and ask you how you are or if there is something they can do for you or invite you to join them for something as simple as a coffee or meal. Most of us will feel bad when we are not made some kind of priority in, loved ones life, but it is all about learning, ourselves, to stop prioritizing those who don’t prioritize us. Life is so short, we need to give our time to those who value our time and vice versa. As individuals, we can not save the world or beg to be a part of any ones else’s world. You tried your best, be happy and enjoy one day at a time with those who appreciate your time and energy! Wish the others peace and love, then move forward!

 

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The Need To Be LIKED!

Humans are naturally born looking for highs in life. Who doesn’t like euphoria!? But some turn out to be full blown addictions, causing a toxic life. Facebook is one of those toxic highs. We truly are looking for highs in the wrong places. The need for the LIKES, when all the LOVE we can handle is the people we meet, live with, connect with by sound and touch daily. I watched a documentary about a famous singer with a band and he talked about the highs of needing to be LIKED by strangers and people he knew, for him to exist. And once he wasn’t getting enough, he started abusing drugs and alcohol and then once that need wasn’t enough of a high, contemplating suicide was his rock bottom. He is in a recovery program and doing well and today, can only share his experience of getting lost in the dark abyss of social networking, as well as the lifestyle of the rich and famous. Stop looking for the need of LIKES and love in all the wrong places! Moderation is the key, which keeps the line of communication open, loud and clear.

Stripping

Stripping is a lot of work for any one.  I have been stripping for years, layer by layer and it is tough work, no matter how much area you have to uncover.

And no, I am not talking about stripping your clothes off, but glad I got your attention eh?..lol..

In short, I was raised a Roman Catholic, my Mother French, my father Ojibway. Two people who grew up in the same home town, the only difference was, my father was put in a residential school as a child and stripped of his being as he knew it, his language, his self confidence, his heritage, like it was all dirty laundry. I could and should write a book about life with Dad and maybe I will some day. Right now I am still learning so much about who he was, and who I am. One thing I know I am NOT, is catholic. I struggled with the confusion of what happened to my father, with praising a God, a religion that took the souls of innocent children. How can anyone praise such an act, done in the name of their God?

There was this elderly couple that use to come and get me to go to church when I was about 7 or 8 years old. And they always told me the night before, do not eat breakfast before church! You are suppose to attend church on an empty stomach. Of course I wondered why but never asked for an answer. I got up early, got bathed and dressed always in a dress for church and waited to be picked up by the elderly friends of the family. Upon entering the church there was this odour, today I believe it was probably incense and there would be an alter boy lighting candles about the alter area before service. I sat about mid way in the room on a cold wooden straight back pew. There was no falling asleep here, that’s for sure but yet I wondered how some people did fall asleep about half way through a service, usually older gents. Between my 2 elders I was huddled, he would sent his hat on his lap, she her purse on her lap.

Then I looked up at the alter, every Sunday, to the man, the statue on the cross, with painted blood dripping from the nail holes in his palms and atop his feet, blood running down his face from the thorn crown, these things done by man, who were apparently made in this God’s likeness. Why would they kill one of their own, crucify a son of a God? And each Sunday we who sat in the pews were told to ask for forgiveness for this act and that the God did forgive us for doing this to his son. Yet I felt guilty, for what we humans did. Then we are asked to drink his blood and eat his body during communion. Yes I knew it was watered down wine and pressed bread rings, but the fact still implanted in my brain, the guilt and the eating of his body and drinking of his blood. How horrific it was!!! for my little child brain. Argh. All this on an empty stomach!!

9 years ago, I started reading, more and more about religions and faith. I attended 3 different churches and boy that little confused girl was alive and well once again. So many questions, but this time, having to seek the true answers myself.

In the past 7 years, I have been stripping all these childhood religious beliefs from my thought process and began to follow a pagan path, along with Wicca teachings and the culture of my heritage, my native heritage.

There is still a long way to go and after talking to some, it is pretty much never ending. I am seeing just how magickal the world really is and beautiful with out the guilt and trauma imposed on children and adults through the catholic church.

I don’t expect anyone to walk with me in my current beliefs and hope no one is expecting me to walk with them and their beliefs or that one is wrong and one is right.

It is what it is. Its about finding inner peace with our beliefs and questioning everything. It is about pecking all the fruits and nuts off the top of a muffin, getting back to the basic then adding what ever flavour of icing you choose.

After all, it is my own soul I am feeding and my souls palette is sensitive to all tastes at this point in my life.

So mote it be!