The Need To Be LIKED!

Humans are naturally born looking for highs in life. Who doesn’t like euphoria!? But some turn out to be full blown addictions, causing a toxic life. Facebook is one of those toxic highs. We truly are looking for highs in the wrong places. The need for the LIKES, when all the LOVE we can handle is the people we meet, live with, connect with by sound and touch daily. I watched a documentary about a famous singer with a band and he talked about the highs of needing to be LIKED by strangers and people he knew, for him to exist. And once he wasn’t getting enough, he started abusing drugs and alcohol and then once that need wasn’t enough of a high, contemplating suicide was his rock bottom. He is in a recovery program and doing well and today, can only share his experience of getting lost in the dark abyss of social networking, as well as the lifestyle of the rich and famous. Stop looking for the need of LIKES and love in all the wrong places! Moderation is the key, which keeps the line of communication open, loud and clear.

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Stripping

Stripping is a lot of work for any one.  I have been stripping for years, layer by layer and it is tough work, no matter how much area you have to uncover.

And no, I am not talking about stripping your clothes off, but glad I got your attention eh?..lol..

In short, I was raised a Roman Catholic, my Mother French, my father Ojibway. Two people who grew up in the same home town, the only difference was, my father was put in a residential school as a child and stripped of his being as he knew it, his language, his self confidence, his heritage, like it was all dirty laundry. I could and should write a book about life with Dad and maybe I will some day. Right now I am still learning so much about who he was, and who I am. One thing I know I am NOT, is catholic. I struggled with the confusion of what happened to my father, with praising a God, a religion that took the souls of innocent children. How can anyone praise such an act, done in the name of their God?

There was this elderly couple that use to come and get me to go to church when I was about 7 or 8 years old. And they always told me the night before, do not eat breakfast before church! You are suppose to attend church on an empty stomach. Of course I wondered why but never asked for an answer. I got up early, got bathed and dressed always in a dress for church and waited to be picked up by the elderly friends of the family. Upon entering the church there was this odour, today I believe it was probably incense and there would be an alter boy lighting candles about the alter area before service. I sat about mid way in the room on a cold wooden straight back pew. There was no falling asleep here, that’s for sure but yet I wondered how some people did fall asleep about half way through a service, usually older gents. Between my 2 elders I was huddled, he would sent his hat on his lap, she her purse on her lap.

Then I looked up at the alter, every Sunday, to the man, the statue on the cross, with painted blood dripping from the nail holes in his palms and atop his feet, blood running down his face from the thorn crown, these things done by man, who were apparently made in this God’s likeness. Why would they kill one of their own, crucify a son of a God? And each Sunday we who sat in the pews were told to ask for forgiveness for this act and that the God did forgive us for doing this to his son. Yet I felt guilty, for what we humans did. Then we are asked to drink his blood and eat his body during communion. Yes I knew it was watered down wine and pressed bread rings, but the fact still implanted in my brain, the guilt and the eating of his body and drinking of his blood. How horrific it was!!! for my little child brain. Argh. All this on an empty stomach!!

9 years ago, I started reading, more and more about religions and faith. I attended 3 different churches and boy that little confused girl was alive and well once again. So many questions, but this time, having to seek the true answers myself.

In the past 7 years, I have been stripping all these childhood religious beliefs from my thought process and began to follow a pagan path, along with Wicca teachings and the culture of my heritage, my native heritage.

There is still a long way to go and after talking to some, it is pretty much never ending. I am seeing just how magickal the world really is and beautiful with out the guilt and trauma imposed on children and adults through the catholic church.

I don’t expect anyone to walk with me in my current beliefs and hope no one is expecting me to walk with them and their beliefs or that one is wrong and one is right.

It is what it is. Its about finding inner peace with our beliefs and questioning everything. It is about pecking all the fruits and nuts off the top of a muffin, getting back to the basic then adding what ever flavour of icing you choose.

After all, it is my own soul I am feeding and my souls palette is sensitive to all tastes at this point in my life.

So mote it be!

Shift – More Than A Keyboard Button

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Funny how times goes by, with each new sun rise and sun set, unknowingly at times, there are small changes happening in our lives. If you are in a good place in your life, those slight shifts may go unnoticed or if we take for granted the good place we are in our lives, there may be a shift that we are not so happy with. The shifting universe will shake things up from time to time to get your attention, where it is lacking. Just believe it is all for the betterment of your own self and maybe we will stop asking, “why me?” when a shift does happen. Why not you? Why not me? We really need to complain less, stop spending time on the pity pot and make changes for the better on our own time, before the universe says.. “Oh, he/she needs a slight shift in their life.”
I know many of you think I am a nut bar, but that’s okay. I’m a happy sweet nut bar..lol. There was a great amount of time in my life where what other people thought of me, was a great fear of mine, where everything I did, I wondered if I was doing right and in the process of pleasing everyone else, I forgot or maybe never knew how to take care of my own needs first… then there was a shift…that shift was so hard, I was thrown against all 4 walls and no, they were not padded walls. ;), well okay, one was..lol..But today, the shifts in my life are gentle ones. I like being around people who have compassion, witty, know how to laugh at themselves, can listen and respond, be honest and most of all, not judge me harshly or at all. Hey, no one is perfect.
If you stop and really look at your life, you will see the shifts. Like things you once found intolerable, you are now tolerating. Times when you were quiet, not wanting to stir the pot, you are now, speaking aloud the truth for the good, but the greatest shift in your life is when, you realize there are situations and people in your life that do not need your attention, time, energy and focus.
Enjoy the shift.. hopefully you won’t be hitting too many walls with each shift the universe grants you.

Mature Love As The Snow Flies

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The only thing I love about winter is watching the snow fall. It always inspired me, deeply. This morning I have been thinking a lot..lol.. it is my favorite past time… thinking, writing and of course loving. So many loves, grand baby love, my children love, family love, friendship love and 2nd to none, my Man love.. xx.. I like to think we have a mature love And, I don’t think Mature Love has anything to do with age. I think it has to do with, experience. We both have the integrity to be alone, which is being honest and whole together and apart. We both give without strings and grateful for that because we have different giving strengths. It is a love that when apart, our alone times does not destroy togetherness, in fact it enhances it. Yes, the first day or 2, I miss him so much, but on the 3rd day, I smile because I look forward to being together again. We help each other become more free. There is no effort given to dominating each other, we actually hop past that thinking, because it can become a sort of hatred and anger. We were individuals when we met and that is who we each fell in love with, so why not encourage that time alone, that individuality, which leaves so much more room to grow, alone and together. Who knows, there may be a day down the road where we will want to be in each others space so much more, but I think again, we are mature enough, that does not mean to smoother each other… respect, understanding and truly listening.. in one word.. Communication!

New Year Detachment

Accepting What We Cannot Change: Is more than just line in the Serenity Prayer.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

For myself, it was learning about DETACHMENT.

I had to take a 2nd glance one day at a person I use to know, in the mall, because that person was not recognizable to me for those few moments. Then when I realized who it was, I felt the oddest feeling. I asked my counsellor what happened..apparently , I had detached from that person, in mind, body and spirit..finally! Now I can avoid without guilt, one way or another. Here is what I learnt and what I felt…

Detachment is like a deep breath of peace and forgiveness at the same time, which totally makes sense to me now. It is the ability of talking about with ease, that which at some point brought me pain of heart and tears. It is learning to forgive myself for the roll I played in my own dysfunction at one point in my life and gaining the strength I need to move forward, to start afresh! What a great release it was! Freeing myself to lead my life as I wanted..with grace!

Continue reading “New Year Detachment”

Free To Believe

Judgement is alive and well in the world today. No matter what you practice, whether you are among a minority or majority, if the masses or powers that be were taught at a young age something is not right, they truly believe it is not.

It takes years to empty ones head of old school thinking/methods/brainwashing, when their heart and soul believes in something else. Who is to say what is right or wrong?

Living in small town Canada, this is right in my face, truth. Being raised Catholic, I lived in a catholic religion world. I was afraid of “God”, I was afraid of the priest, I was afraid of talking out loud within the 4 walls of the church. I was so afraid to sin! I was afraid to eat before church on Sunday because I was told, you praise “God” on an empty stomach. Did “God” like the sounds of rumbling stomachs, as His followers knelt before the priest in the church on Sunday morning? As a young girl, these are the thoughts that would float through my little brain, as I stood, knelt and sat at my pew beside my elders. I couldn’t see anything from my pew, being as short as I was, as I am, but I could hear the rumbling stomachs, as well as the off key congregation singing , The Old Wooden Cross and smell the bad morning breaths hovering over my head. Funny thing is, with regards to the wooden cross, just a couple years ago, when I posted in my social media, a picture of Jesus, resembling, Carey Price, my Habs goalie with the slogan, “God Bless Jesus Price”, one of my followers, a practising Catholic was so insulted that I did and he made comment to just how insulted he was, that another follower responded to him,

“Put down the cross, we need the wood!”

The practising Catholic was so angry and the gent on a spiritual journey wasn’t. Why?And that gent was a believer in The Creator,  on his journey of recovery, so it made me begin thinking more of this whole religion thing. Where was it leading me? \how and what roll was it playing in my life, positive, negative or at all?

What or who could I relate to, as an adult, free to pick my leader. lol And where do I want to be lead to? This is where my native culture began to play a greater part in my life and a pagan world I had began following years prior but let the teachings fall to the wayside. So I picked up where I left off.

Oh what a judgemental world we live in and how real that is when you follow a path of Wicca beliefs, paganism and the church of nature. I still have a long way to go, but what a beautiful inner peace I have gained. I don’t question my being, like I did for so long. I am perfect, just the way I am and so are you!

Believe in what you want, I won’t judge you or force upon you my beliefs, I ask for the same in return. There is the biggest challenge for us all. 😉

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My Roots Are Showing

 

 

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Forever she wakes at 4am. My busy body is set it seems to wake between 4 and 5 am. I have been for years now and just view it as part of who I am. It is my quiet time. It is the magic hours where I focus on, how to improve my victories over any specific set of deterring circumstances in my life and or improving the growth of my psychic self. Every hour on the moon and sun clock can be magical, are magical, where we can take the time, when it is bestowed upon us, to balance all matters of the mind, body and soul.

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This past week, our 48 hour outing, enjoying the Harley ride with the wind in our faces, the rest stops and an over night hotel stay took us along southern Ontario shores. The views were plentiful and rest stops educational.

Like the row of trees with roots showing. Spooky and magical at the same time. The newly paved side roads..rolling black ribbons and of course the burnt nose..wind or sun? Who cares, nothing that coats of aloe vera couldn’t cool down.

Finding the beauty in each and every day, every moment takes time..it takes the time of maturity. And to enjoy that beauty with someone you love, another set of eyes and thoughts, makes it magical and the time of this ladies life, along side or in this case, behind my handsome biker.

My hearts riding in the wind, with his.

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