Stripping

Stripping is a lot of work for any one.  I have been stripping for years, layer by layer and it is tough work, no matter how much area you have to uncover.

And no, I am not talking about stripping your clothes off, but glad I got your attention eh?..lol..

In short, I was raised a Roman Catholic, my Mother French, my father Ojibway. Two people who grew up in the same home town, the only difference was, my father was put in a residential school as a child and stripped of his being as he knew it, his language, his self confidence, his heritage, like it was all dirty laundry. I could and should write a book about life with Dad and maybe I will some day. Right now I am still learning so much about who he was, and who I am. One thing I know I am NOT, is catholic. I struggled with the confusion of what happened to my father, with praising a God, a religion that took the souls of innocent children. How can anyone praise such an act, done in the name of their God?

There was this elderly couple that use to come and get me to go to church when I was about 7 or 8 years old. And they always told me the night before, do not eat breakfast before church! You are suppose to attend church on an empty stomach. Of course I wondered why but never asked for an answer. I got up early, got bathed and dressed always in a dress for church and waited to be picked up by the elderly friends of the family. Upon entering the church there was this odour, today I believe it was probably incense and there would be an alter boy lighting candles about the alter area before service. I sat about mid way in the room on a cold wooden straight back pew. There was no falling asleep here, that’s for sure but yet I wondered how some people did fall asleep about half way through a service, usually older gents. Between my 2 elders I was huddled, he would sent his hat on his lap, she her purse on her lap.

Then I looked up at the alter, every Sunday, to the man, the statue on the cross, with painted blood dripping from the nail holes in his palms and atop his feet, blood running down his face from the thorn crown, these things done by man, who were apparently made in this God’s likeness. Why would they kill one of their own, crucify a son of a God? And each Sunday we who sat in the pews were told to ask for forgiveness for this act and that the God did forgive us for doing this to his son. Yet I felt guilty, for what we humans did. Then we are asked to drink his blood and eat his body during communion. Yes I knew it was watered down wine and pressed bread rings, but the fact still implanted in my brain, the guilt and the eating of his body and drinking of his blood. How horrific it was!!! for my little child brain. Argh. All this on an empty stomach!!

9 years ago, I started reading, more and more about religions and faith. I attended 3 different churches and boy that little confused girl was alive and well once again. So many questions, but this time, having to seek the true answers myself.

In the past 7 years, I have been stripping all these childhood religious beliefs from my thought process and began to follow a pagan path, along with Wicca teachings and the culture of my heritage, my native heritage.

There is still a long way to go and after talking to some, it is pretty much never ending. I am seeing just how magickal the world really is and beautiful with out the guilt and trauma imposed on children and adults through the catholic church.

I don’t expect anyone to walk with me in my current beliefs and hope no one is expecting me to walk with them and their beliefs or that one is wrong and one is right.

It is what it is. Its about finding inner peace with our beliefs and questioning everything. It is about pecking all the fruits and nuts off the top of a muffin, getting back to the basic then adding what ever flavour of icing you choose.

After all, it is my own soul I am feeding and my souls palette is sensitive to all tastes at this point in my life.

So mote it be!

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In My Defense

aa4c846b30e4a8bd78723c9b3f494747As time goes by, I have this ability to fend for myself freely, in all aspects of my life and feel great content in doing so.

I realized that pretty quick a few years back, it is I who can solve my own problems. I may wonder about yours, yet not make them my own. I see them as teaching moments…that..”what would I do in that case?”, moments. I have choosen my own spiritual expression and believe in some of yours. Yet I don’t use my spirituality as an excuse to harm or meme any creature, any part of nature or another human being. Because I do believe that what I radiate comes back to me!!

I definitely don’t need the confines of any church or any persons lifestyle to feel the freedom of beauty and light..right and wrong. I just need time within my own soul..and time outside under the sun or moon. This is where my energy comes from.

I am learning through the Wicca teachings and it works for me.

Find your peace! Develope it..nurture it..love it!

Free To Believe

Judgement is alive and well in the world today. No matter what you practice, whether you are among a minority or majority, if the masses or powers that be were taught at a young age something is not right, they truly believe it is not.

It takes years to empty ones head of old school thinking/methods/brainwashing, when their heart and soul believes in something else. Who is to say what is right or wrong?

Living in small town Canada, this is right in my face, truth. Being raised Catholic, I lived in a catholic religion world. I was afraid of “God”, I was afraid of the priest, I was afraid of talking out loud within the 4 walls of the church. I was so afraid to sin! I was afraid to eat before church on Sunday because I was told, you praise “God” on an empty stomach. Did “God” like the sounds of rumbling stomachs, as His followers knelt before the priest in the church on Sunday morning? As a young girl, these are the thoughts that would float through my little brain, as I stood, knelt and sat at my pew beside my elders. I couldn’t see anything from my pew, being as short as I was, as I am, but I could hear the rumbling stomachs, as well as the off key congregation singing , The Old Wooden Cross and smell the bad morning breaths hovering over my head. Funny thing is, with regards to the wooden cross, just a couple years ago, when I posted in my social media, a picture of Jesus, resembling, Carey Price, my Habs goalie with the slogan, “God Bless Jesus Price”, one of my followers, a practising Catholic was so insulted that I did and he made comment to just how insulted he was, that another follower responded to him,

“Put down the cross, we need the wood!”

The practising Catholic was so angry and the gent on a spiritual journey wasn’t. Why?And that gent was a believer in The Creator,  on his journey of recovery, so it made me begin thinking more of this whole religion thing. Where was it leading me? \how and what roll was it playing in my life, positive, negative or at all?

What or who could I relate to, as an adult, free to pick my leader. lol And where do I want to be lead to? This is where my native culture began to play a greater part in my life and a pagan world I had began following years prior but let the teachings fall to the wayside. So I picked up where I left off.

Oh what a judgemental world we live in and how real that is when you follow a path of Wicca beliefs, paganism and the church of nature. I still have a long way to go, but what a beautiful inner peace I have gained. I don’t question my being, like I did for so long. I am perfect, just the way I am and so are you!

Believe in what you want, I won’t judge you or force upon you my beliefs, I ask for the same in return. There is the biggest challenge for us all. 😉

awqer