What Is Dysfunctional?

Having worked in the addictions field, one word a person hears a lot is, dysfunctional. Which leads many, I find, to think, dysfunctional relates only to the world of addicts. And I have heard many deny they may be dysfunctional because there was no addiction tendencies in the family. People are not born dysfunctional, we are raised in dysfunctional surroundings. And as much as we may want to deny it, the air we were raised in at times for many is, toxic air. We all have our tolerance levels and the good thing is when we do realize things are not as they should be, when living in a toxic world and start leading lives in such a way.



I read a lot, always have. Not just the harlequin romance novels, but self help and a lot about the human conditions. Whether I am told my thoughts are wrong or to prove to myself, my thoughts are right, I get myself educated on many topics.

Dysfunctional traits come from a few traits and for those who are not living in the addiction life, it comes from.. fear… guilt and shame. When we don’t seek out the help to heal those 3 things, we live a numb life, in denial… dysfunctional!

One can only hope this post hits home in a positive way, that one person wants to seek out professional help, so they can lead a full functional life. After all, this is it.. there is not other life on earth after this one. It is what it is.. over. Live love and be happy!

Who Is At Fault?

Not a day goes by where I don’t wonder about what this world is coming to and what it will be like for my children, grandchildren, all children. Did my parents scratch their heads when I come out of my room dressed the way I was? Was I really dressed so outrageous compared to some of today’s teens? I don’t recall any one in my teen years having so many piercings as they are today. I don’t recall living a mall life. I don’t recall having tons of money given to me by my parents, like kids receive today. I don’t recall being given lunch money daily.
I do recall a small allowance, brown bagging a lunch, babysitting to have pocket money, having chores to do on the weekend before I even thought of leaving the house.
And what about the boldness of so many teens, the lack of respect for their elders. And that, want want want attitude. Oh my lawd! I don’t think I be alive today if I talked or treated my parents, family elders the way kids do today
So lets pick apart the child/teen of today. 1st impression is with the eyes. Yes we know we can inherit our parents features, whether it be height, weights, eye colors, hair colors, nose shape and even those knobby knees or big ears. They even say now a lot of our illness are inherited. That I believe, because I see my Mother unfolding in front of me..lol.. in many ways.
But what about, personality. Can we be the cause of our children’s attitudes today? Is it our fault they have lost touch with the realities of life. Unlike our own parents did we leave the flood gates open by not setting boundaries??? Have we let them loose into a crazy world for a greater percent of 24 hours in the day instead of having more family and all the personality that comes with a family who is close, who respects each other, home and property. But most of all, respect for themselves!
Welllllll…lol…According to university studies, personality is 70% inherited and 30% environmentally influenced.
Lets think about that one.. not too long though!..lol
Whatcha think eh?

Who Fears Who or What?

How many times as a child have we walked home after doing something we know our parents told us not to do and feared the consequences behind the front door of the house?? For me, there was a few times for sure, I can still hear my own thoughts, “Why did I do that? Man, I am in trouble now! Mom’s going to ground me and Dad going to kick my butt! Argh!” as I sweated bullets with every step. Sometimes when I got home, the punishment was not as bad as I thought and sometimes I got an butt spanking that I knew I didn’t want to mess up again. I guess we call that, having a conscience? Is that what is wrong with our young people today and with parents? The children have no fear of consequences and adults/parents have given up? And why is that? is it the parents now fearing the consequences of disciplining their own children and the children feel totally in control, yet they can’t handle the responsibility or have the stamina and mindset to set their own boundaries?

“Trust your instincts, even if they are telling you something that your heart really really does not want to consider. It can save your life.” F.C.





Sometimes It Hurts To Stay


For as many reasons a relationship begins, there are just as many reasons they end. People come and go in our lives every day. However, no one goes into a marriage thinking that it will end 9 months, 9 years or 25 years down the road. People change, things develop and if both are not able to cope with change or an issue that develops, more than likely there will be a separation and or divorce.

I don’t believe it makes one person bad and the other good, no matter who left or who was left. If there is one thing I have noticed when any separation that has turned into a all out fight to the finish, it is because some one is not owning up to the fact and the roll they played in the relationship.

Yes, there are those who take it to extremes when it comes to dividing up the goods accumulated during the union or the extreme mental abuse at times when one was truly insulted or hurt by their spouse. For as much positive and heart we put into the relationship in the beginning, why do we drag it through the mud at the end of it?

We did love that person to a degree at one point in time, no matter the level and it deserves respect because when we sabotage it at every turn during a separation or divorce, we are not giving ourselves as a person the respect we deserve also.

And no one can tell me that if a person leaves any relationship with a huge chip on their shoulder that they will be able to enjoy a new love like they would if that chip was not there. We end up bringing all that baggage into a new one and that is so unfair to the next person, but also unfair to ourselves because we just may be robbing ourselves of a new mate that may have been our Prince Charming or Angel.

I went to counselling before my separation and continued with it afterwards also. You don’t commit to something for a length of time and leave it without some issues.

And as for the people around us, those that respected you both as a couple should also respect you as individuals.

No matter if you are the one that left or the one who was left, find a support system, whether it be family, friends or strangers in group therapy. It’s okay to admit we hurt, everybody hurts.

The worse life is one lived in such a pitiful way where a person feels they do so much more than others & act like others just sit there & feed off all their good deeds. It sure is the road of loneliness if nothing else. The sooner we realize the world owes us nothing, the quicker we pass go and reap the rewards life has to offer.

.. Sometimes it hurts to stay….