HONESTLY SINGLE

One thing I have heard alot over the years of being single from people who are either in a relationship or married is, “glad I’m not single anymore! Seems like the life of dating or to find a partner sucks these days!”
Being pretty much single 10 of 13 years, that statement is fact! I don’t think you will find a “single person” over 40 yrs old say they love being single. Whether it’s a man or woman living the single life for 3 plus years, they usually have worked alot on overcoming alot of past issues in their lives and just becoming a better person all around, knowing their self worth and want to be found by that one person who can appreciate everything about them. No one is perfect and no one more than a, long term single, knows that better than many. You can not find a, single person, saying they are okay with not, cuddling another person or not having that one person to spend the rest of their life with. For myself I can be honest and will say, all I want is some one that will match the effort I bring to the relationship. Yes we all have our bad days, but we want some one in our lives that is strong enough, who loves us enough, who can cope with the bad days and show the appreciation for the great days. A long term single person doesn’t want to enter a relationship where they see more red flags than hearts. And maybe we, singles, do have a few more expectations, but again we don’t want to be the only one of the couple, making all the exceptions. The drive between two lovers should be a delight, and the journey is usually made up of no exceptions for many. I for one, won’t settle just to be with someone. There has to be chemistry. Oil and vinegar will never mix, there has to be a binder of some sort to hold it together, if not, then expect it to separate. So don’t think your single friends are too fussy or expect too much of another, we are motivated by first and foremost, knowing our worth and believing a, Mr. Right or Ms. Right is maybe just around the corner, armed with that unconditional love you happy couples brag about all the time. Until then, even in our loneliest hour we will fall asleep hugging our pillows a little tighter than most and let our faith and good old destiny play it’s roll each morning we wake up because we have come to realize the difference between an, I love you and I am IN love with you.

 

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Thoughtful Tuesday

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When it comes to relationships, I believe most of our sadness and reason for falling apart is because we expect the other person to give as much as we do, into it. That is not always going to be the way. No 2 people will love each other at the same level every day, one of the 2 may love more one day and less the next. Understanding that, will keep the relationship balanced, not at 50/50 but at 60/40 or 30/70 and so on. Learn to accept each others personal best. And remember who you fell in love with in the beginning, with no expectations of you changing them.. change may come, only if and when a person wants it..don’t force it. Accept and carry on or reject and be alone.. we all have choices. Neither is bad, if it works for you.

Next!?

From my own experience and talking with others, I can say that whether we were in a 3 mths – 30 yrs or more in a relationship. then, Separate!..A Resolve time is 1 plus years time needed… to figure out where it went wrong, to take responsibility for one’s part, forgive the other for theirs and most importantly to figure yourself.

Jumping from one relationship to another without unpacking in between, eventually leaves no room for new memories, because the past keeps busting out and reminding us of their existence.

But for some of us.. our egos, sit proudly on our shoulders, whispering, “You’re okay, you’ll do fine, what did she/he know anyways.”

We can’t or shouldn’t devote a portion of our love and say I love you and not take time to recover from something we thought could withstand anything only to be picking up broken pieces from one relationship to the next. We need to commit to some self-care. There are tons of self-help books out there and professionals willing to¬† give us the tools to mend hearts and souls.