For as long as I recall, even being a child myself at one time, there has always been the Bully’s. But what amazes me more than that is how many parents seem to be turning a blind eye to the fact their child is a Bully or know they are & don’t do anything about it. Are parents scared of their own children, they don’t discipline them accordingly or are they, that Bully, from back in the day, raising today’s Bully’s? Inquiring minds wanna know!
They don’t complain on a daily basis or hardly ever about life, so they must be living a good life and are happy!
Ohh, but if you only knew..
…how much pain physically that person was in, under that smile.
..if you only knew, the emotionaly pain that person goes through on a daily basis, because they don’t want to come across as a complainer or whiner.
.. if you only knew what that person went without in the food cupboard this month so they could enjoy a night out or pick up that personal item, to treat themselves.
.. if you only know how much pasta and breads were in their cupbaord because they can’t afford fresh veggies and fruit on a daily basis.
..if you only knew that few extra pounds is hiding a very sad person, most of the time.
..if you only knew how many singles of all ages were living below the poverty line set in Ontario and won’t complain.
..if you only knew how much it hurts that person to hear you are tired of paying their way in life with tax dollars off your paycheck.
..if you only knew how many that live below the poverty line are there because of a mental or physical disability, but don’t want to say out loud, in fear of being judged.
… if you only knew how blessed you are to have a good paying job, a new car, a beautiful home, cupboards full of food, children never wanting for anything because all they have to do is ask.
..if you only knew how close you are to living a life of poverty..
..if you only knew…..how much your words hurt.
.. if you only knew, that person did not wake up one day and say, I want to live a life of poverty for the rest of my life and be labelled by society. Because society will judge.. always.. whether it be about, your race, color, religion, weight, income source or something as simple as what side of the street you walk on…
.. if you only knew… the first person who would open their door and heart to you would be the person you judged yesterday..
Sometimes you sit in the quiet morning, before the sun rises, before others begin to stir, before the beginning sounds of morning traffic drive by your window and all you hear is you. You hear each breath you take, the clicking of a heating register, the ice box motor and the loudest sound is the clock on the wall.. you hear time.
You hear time clicking away and before it reaches the finish line, you think of past times, all the moments of your life that you were dealt, all the moments of life, that you made choices, some good moments, some not so good moments, but every second, a time of your life.
You think of the times you were so misunderstood, when no one took the time to ask you, how you were doing or that maybe just for a second you were thinking of stopping time, about ending time, as they know it, because you did not have enough energy left to spend another minute trying to make the world understand, that all you needed was, time.
You think of all the days, you tried your best to spread the hours out amongst those who needed your time, only to have it wasted because your time was not appreciated, because you just didn’t take enough time, according to them, to give them more time..but you gave as much time as you could in the 24 hours of any given day. So they push you away, not wanting your time, not the moments you were able to give, no, you weren’t measuring up in seconds, in minutes, in hours, in days, it was never enough.
But the day comes, and for a second there is a glimmer of hope, a measure in time, where you find the strength to go on, just one more day and into the next day, next month and year, you take back time that you spent trying to please the unpleasable and spent that time on you.
Take your time, said that voice inside your head, take it slow, take all the time you need and don’t worry about giving back, because the time you spend on yourself is not returnable, it is yours to do with as you want, just don’t waste another second of your, me time.
Because one day, there will be no more time left, on this earth, to spend it doing the things you love, the things you want to experience, your time will end and you can be happy knowing YOU were time well spent with no regrets.
And all that is left will be the questions by others, why didn’t I give just a little more time? One day, a moment, just a little more time? Because time is not promised to anyone, don’t take it for granted..
Live, love and laugh, this moment in time…
As I look back on the past 10 years, there has been a great change in my world, that is evident to the naked eye when looking upon the naked body… that is the pull of gravity! When I use to say, I look forward to the day when I am heading south, I meant to warm temperatures and sandy beaches, not the underside of my upper arms and my soft stomach droop! And it did not happen over night. I realized the effect more so this past year when my jean size did not change but the fit did change. I had filled spots of those jeans in different places and left other spaces empty. Unless you have experienced the pull of gravity heading south, you can’t fathom what I am really talking about. It truly is the weirdest thing. So now I am on my way into the next year of my life, the Creator willing that is. And I have no idea what changes I will experience in mind boy and soul, but that’s okay.. Cmon world, Cmon life! Throw it at me, I am ready for this!.. Omg, I need a power nap!!
It was the year of someone’s Lord, 1961, on March 6th. A cool frosty morning, a child was born. The 4th child, the 1st daughter to the parents, who will bring 7 more into this God forsaken world before they were done. So almost as if she knew there were more babies to come, the Mommy decided, she would breast feed her little angel, she called Cynthia. (ahem) . She was set into her Mom’s waiting arms, the nurse watching as baby latched on and began to feed. So she …left Mother and child in peace as they bonded. But Mommy was tired and as baby fed, Mommy began to fall asleep. Like a deer in headlights baby Cynthia could see Mommy’s eyes getting heavy till they eventually closed, then she felt herself slipping from Mommy’s arms! Oh no!.. Yes.. Mommy let go of Baby Cynthia and to the commercial tile, the hospital floor, she landed, upon her head. Nurse come running into room, to find Baby Cynthia crying like a baby and Mommy crying like a Mommy who just dropped her baby. Ah yes.. Baby Cynthia knew at that point, that this life was going to be suck! and it began on the commercial tile at the Espanola Hospital in 1961… Fack! Someone get me a a Tylenol, I have a headache just thinking of it ffs!…. anyway.. HAPPY 55TH BIRTHDAY TO ME!.. I’m still here!.. BAM
From my own experience and talking with others, I can say that whether we were in a 3 mths – 30 yrs or more in a relationship. then, Separate!..A Resolve time is 1 plus years time needed… to figure out where it went wrong, to take responsibility for one’s part, forgive the other for theirs and most importantly to figure yourself.
Jumping from one relationship to another without unpacking in between, eventually leaves no room for new memories, because the past keeps busting out and reminding us of their existence.
But for some of us.. our egos, sit proudly on our shoulders, whispering, “You’re okay, you’ll do fine, what did she/he know anyways.”
We can’t or shouldn’t devote a portion of our love and say I love you and not take time to recover from something we thought could withstand anything only to be picking up broken pieces from one relationship to the next. We need to commit to some self-care. There are tons of self-help books out there and professionals willing to give us the tools to mend hearts and souls.