Today, I am being the woman I needed when I was a child….a vindicator of the innocent, the strong matriarchal guardian, who embraced her femininity.
I think from the time I picked up a pencil I knew what my passion felt like but could not put into words what I was feeling at such a young age. So life went on. However, there was 3 words that followed me…
Romeo and Juliette.
I recall at a very young age, writing those 3 words on my bedsheets at night as I went into a fantasy world, in the dark, on the top bunk, in a little room off the kitchen in a house that grandma lived. By the way where was grandma living when we lived in her big old house? And where was Dad working that kept him away for weeks at a time? And why did cousin Lynn live with us and why was it her putting us to bed at night instead of Mom? Having 10 children can’t make a Mom that tired..can it? Those thoughts brought tears to my eyes. I needed to see my Mom!..Mom! Mom! I whispered out loud. The bedroom door slowly opened, I could see her silouette with the dim kitchen light behind her. What is the matter? Without coming closer, I knew it was Lynn’s voice..not Mom. I told her I wanted my Mom. No, she said, go to sleep, your Mom is tired!..as she slowly brought the room back into darkness by shutting out the dim kitchen light with shutting the door.
Quietly sobbing I went back to tracing out each letter written in lead on my bedsheet..Romeo and Juliette. Then I started to think with anger, I hated my Mom! Why couldn’t she come kiss and hug me good night!? It wouldn’t of taken long. I needed to talk to my Mom! I needed to ask her about Romeo and Juliette!
I knew how to get her to listen to me. I am going to write 3 other words on my bed sheet and she will see it when she does the laundry. I wrote the 3 words, tracing them over and over with hurt and angry feelings, till the lead tip broke on my pencil! I began to doze off with my head on my tear stained pillow..reading those 3 words in my head then with a quiet whisper and a sigh…I read them one last time… I hate Mom….before my thoughts were overcome by the darkness of the room and the heaviness of my eye lids from crying…I hate Mom
“Political mayhem, may cause havoc with our mental health, by inducing anguish and distrust. But the man who uses a God or any religion as a reason for committing the ultimate crime, physical/sexual abuse, can destroy another man’s spirit, which encompasses his entire being, mind, body and soul! If I am within the walls of the catholic church it is only to stand on guard of my children from that which dwells there, pedophiles and has committed itself to a constant state of purgatory. I will always practice what I preach, one of those states being, to protect our greatest asset and the unconditional love and innocence of our children. A vow I took when I gave birth to my first child, when I began working in a daycare and a rehab centre. Yet most importantly, a vow to my own inner child.” – CS
Standing in the check out line, scanning the magazines on the rack as I inch my way to the next available cashier, it seems every 2nd magazine front has that one intriguing snag line..”100 Ways to….”
…and so on…
Surely there is a list that pertains to each us at some point in our lives, our week or our day? That will make us snatch that $4.99 book of advertisement, pay for and hide in our purse or jacket, so our significant other, our child or visitors to our home don’t get a hold of it, see that line and think, “Oh, she/he is having trouble in that area huh.”
But you know what, that actually is probably not true 99% of the time when they find your magazine, they are not thinking of your shortcoming, your lack of knowledge in a certain area at all. They are looking for that 100 list that points out their own shortcomings/downfalls or lack of knowledge of……….
“Read a lot, research. Trust yourself: you’re not going crazy, what you see/feel/sense is real. Be your own teacher: your soul will always guide you. Trust in the Universe, you’re here for a reason.” A.G
How many times as a child have we walked home after doing something we know our parents told us not to do and feared the consequences behind the front door of the house?? For me, there was a few times for sure, I can still hear my own thoughts, “Why did I do that? Man, I am in trouble now! Mom’s going to ground me and Dad going to kick my butt! Argh!” as I sweated bullets with every step. Sometimes when I got home, the punishment was not as bad as I thought and sometimes I got an butt spanking that I knew I didn’t want to mess up again. I guess we call that, having a conscience? Is that what is wrong with our young people today and with parents? The children have no fear of consequences and adults/parents have given up? And why is that? is it the parents now fearing the consequences of disciplining their own children and the children feel totally in control, yet they can’t handle the responsibility or have the stamina and mindset to set their own boundaries?
“Trust your instincts, even if they are telling you something that your heart really really does not want to consider. It can save your life.” F.C.