With Mother’s Day fast approaching, I think of all the things I would like to say to my mother, that I wish I would have said to her when she was alive. Yes, I believe even from the other side she can hear my thoughts and read my mind, but it is just not the same, like being able to look her in the eyes as I would say them to her.
Now and then I think of her with her 11 children around her and just how tired she must have been tending to all those children 24/7. To go through each stage of growing up with each child, just getting over one stage with one and along comes the next child in line. Wow, she sure was a true warrior, a survivor.
I think I was about 8 years old; I came running around from the living room to the kitchen, that she was cleaning up after supper. I saw her standing at the sink, but her hands were not moving in the dish water and her head was slightly leaning forward. I stood beside her, looked up to her and seen her eyes were closed. She was sleeping standing up, eyes closed and her hands in the warm dish water. I gently tugged on her top, “Mom?” . She jolted, pushed her glasses up on the bridge of her nose and said, “what is the matter, Cindy?”, as she began to wash the dishes again. That was just one time, now, that I can remember of where her exhaustion was so evident, but as a child, I did not think twice about what could be wrong or was it wrong for a mother to fall asleep standing up, she was just that tired.
Being her eldest daughter, child number 4 of the 11, I learnt from her about childcare and how to be strong at the worst of times. I know now or realize now some of what she went through and today believe she was truly bullet proof. Yes, the scars of motherhood are seen on a women’s body from those bullets but 99% of the time, you don’t bleed, because you hide them so well, as a mother. I think today about and wonder, when did she cry? Probably in her pillow at night and most likely cried herself to sleep. I think of her tears that were hidden behind her dry eyes and how today you can buy artificial tears for dry eyes at any pharmacy, but Mothers don’t need artificial tears, they cry, we cry, we just do it in a quiet room or maybe while cleaning house or bathing children, yes, we do.
My mother was and long after her passing in 2010, still is my hero. I may not be able to look you in the eyes today or any day since your passing but spiritually please feel my love, my respect, as I shed tears missing you, real tears, but your strength and the love you gave me keeps the broken pieces snug in place because I know after raising my own children, that is what Moms tend to do.. Hold it together, because we are bullet proof and dry eyed!
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY MOM! You are loved and I will always feel your love. ❤
Snowy Impressions 
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