Where She Is, I Was, I Am

She said, “​I feel every loss in my life that my spirit is so lost at times.”, when I asked, “Have you ever been so sad, that it physically hurts inside?”
Little did I know her answer, her reality, would reawaken an old ghost in my being, an old ghost that I thought I had laid to rest. This message on paper is my attempt at laying to rest once again that old ghost and to do that, I have to return to what was in the past, who was in my past and that which haunted me.
I begin to see that little girl of yester years, as she stood there dressed in her white cotton dress and boots, a mere 2 foot tall being, the spiraling winds of life swirling around her, lifting to the wind the loose tresses from the pinned bun atop her head. Her hands clasped together in front of her, no tears, she only looks to the sky and awaits for the winds to lift her to what or who was ever there. But all she could hear was the load voices of grown ups, yelling in madness, crying words she did not understand. She opens her hands, raising her arms to the sky, like wings. She waited for the winds to grab hold of her and take her away. She closed her eyes, brought her hands in a clasp over her head as the winds grew stronger. “Keep your eyes closed child, but keep your heart wide open!” was the words she heard in the winds at that moment. Slowly she began to feel herself being raised from the ground she stood……….she was lost… to the world.
I lived my life, with all it’s challenges, with all its blessings, I lived, but there was days, I did feel lost and waiting to be found. Then one day, something had died inside of me. I now was mourning something or someone I did not know, or did I? In that struggle of not wanting to feel that pain, I suppressed it, more and more each day, until I was a little child again and the only emotion was, grief, such an outpouring of grief. Like fireflies swarming around my head, all life’s trials and tribulations flickered through my mind! I opened my eyes, once again, I was that little girl, but she was not being uplifted by the winds, she was being brought back to earth at a rapid pace. Her little body shifting, tossing, being thrown about in the winds current. Then all of the sudden, the raging winds calmed, her body come within mere inches of the earths ground, slowly, like she was laying atop a cloud on her back, arms spread to their extent on each side of her, her body spun slowly, around and around for what seemed like an eternity… then the wind calmed even more, she felt the cool grasses on her back, she had touched the earth. She opened her eyes slowly….as she raised herself into a sitting position……….
She sees a young woman sitting at a table, with her head laid atop her crossed arms, she was crying and through the sobs and tears was asking, “What do I do?”, over and over she asked.  The skies opened up above them both, the brightest of light came through the clouds, so bright, neither could challenge it even with a squinting eyes. They both felt the warmth of the light upon their skin, the tingle of every nerve under their skin, the weightless of burdens released, then a voice. Not a voice you can hear with your ears, but one you can only hear with your heart..”for every burden you have endured, you gained 3 blessings. Now go and count them.”  She had just been touched by Spirit.
As I sit atop my bed and type these words on my laptop, I have earbuds in, listening to the same album I use to listen to years ago, that aided me in getting my thoughts down on paper,  Sacred Spirit – Chants and Dances of the Native Americans Vol 1.. every few minutes I take my fingers away, from the keyboard to rock my upper body back and forth as I sit in a cross legged position.​ My eyes are closed when I type, only opening to sit back, closing again, as I rock to the sound of the music being generated into my mind and those nerve endings through out my body, tingle. At this point, I know I am embraced by Spirit, this I count as, blessing number one……
.. I will continue this story in my next post. I want to enjoy this feeling of Spirit, while it is here within.

Dear Men….

I come across this online and think it is just beautiful!…

Do you know…
“That when you enter a woman, you are actually INSIDE of another human being, you are inside of her?
Have you ever realized how sacred this is?
That this is the closest thing to oneness that you will ever experience, and that she holds this gift for you…
That you can return to the womb and to the point of creation…
That you can plant the seeds of creation as well…
That when you leave her, she feels the separation as you physically pulls out and leave her empty…
That being allowed inside of her is a gift, an honoring, something sacred, and that it is your job to know, respect and honor this…
That her heart is connected to her sex, and when you want to enter her sex, you enter her heart as well…
That she feels everything when you enter her, as all of your energy is being passed on and into her. Therefore you have a responsibility of entering with transparency of your intentions, as she will feel all the ways you might use her to avoid feeling your own pain or emotions. You need to be mindful and aware about why you are entering her, and what you are filling her up with…
That “sex” is the cosmic union of the feminine and the masculine energy, a sacred meeting of polarities, and that it has nothing to do with reaching an orgasm, lasting long enough, the size, another number for your collection, or your worth…
That truly opening up a woman, is about going deep, but not going deep within her, going deep within yourself, knowing yourself, and the deeper you are able to enter yourself, the deeper you can enter a woman as well…”

beautifully written by Zoe  Johansen 

Remembering The Past With A Smile


Has the family unit has been broken into pieces.

I have 3 children and recall going to visit my parents a couple days a week, always a Sunday and at times take the 10 minute drive after supper to have a cup of tea with my mother, as we sat out on her deck and talked about her day and mine. My mother was a victim of Alzheimer, slowly she began to forget simple things she did the day before or a name and would always say to me, “don’t forget I love you.” Almost as if I was the one who was loosing her memory. Those visits are what I miss the most now that I am a single middle aged woman, living on her own. I recall how she would make comment about one or two of her children she had not seen in a while, she was missing them. But I know they did visit at some point, yet it was her feelings when she talked that broke my heart. Memories can be fleeting, time is promised to no one.

It is different these days, our children just don’t have the time it seems to visit once a week, let alone for that after supper cup of tea a couple times a week. Then we have the new late teen age group, who have either not been taught how important family is, how respecting their elders, related or not, is so important.

As I sit here by the window, with a chilly breeze coming through the 2 inch crack of it’s opening, hearing it shake the yellow, orange and red leaves off the trees, I am reminded of change and nothing or no one can stop it. Are our relationships, our families shaken as easily as the leaves off the mighty oak and birch trees?

Has this new society shaken the Mom and Pop’s traditional way of life? Have we found it easier to quit on each other than put in the effort of keeping the link solid between each other?

It is that time of year, once again, for me, when I experienced so much loss between now and spring that gets me thinking of those who passed over and how or if I took for granted any one of them when they were here on this earth, I bow my head and say, I loved you…no regrets. Rest in peace and may the autumn breeze raise your spirit and frolic with your memories forever. I will always remember the beauty of yesterday’s moment..

Being Noticed

Did you ever hear of, Iyanla Vanzant ?, She is an American inspirational speaker, lawyer, spiritual teacher, author and life coach. I have read a couple of her books and watched her show on television a couple times. Her advice is so great and I think that is because she has lived the circumstance, learnt how to deal with it and is willing to share just how to get over life crap with her followers. One of her quotes goes something like, ‘we all want to be liked, loved and appreciated by our loves ones, family and close friends. And that is fine, what is not fine is the things we do, to get that appreciation and love.” You can’t be the only one always reaching out to others, especially if you are not being acknowledged by others as well. When people care about your part in the lives, they will reach out and ask you how you are or if there is something they can do for you or invite you to join them for something as simple as a coffee or meal. Most of us will feel bad when we are not made some kind of priority in, loved ones life, but it is all about learning, ourselves, to stop prioritizing those who don’t prioritize us. Life is so short, we need to give our time to those who value our time and vice versa. As individuals, we can not save the world or beg to be a part of any ones else’s world. You tried your best, be happy and enjoy one day at a time with those who appreciate your time and energy! Wish the others peace and love, then move forward!



Charlie Died Today


Charlie died today. He was the family pet of my daughters. My heart aches for my 2 grandchildren this evening, because they are engulfed in grief of having to say goodbye to their sweet Charlie. I hate that they have to go through this. They are too young to feel such pain of death. And there is nothing I can do, or their Mom can do, except hug them and let their tears flow.

Life can be so cruel some times. 😦