HUMAN KINDNESS IS ACKNOWLEDGED AND VALIDATED

Acknowledgment ..the action of expressing or displaying gratitude or appreciation for something.

Validate: to confirm

If we acknowledge other people, we are saying, I get you. We are telling them we understand who they are, what they are saying, we are totally understanding where they are coming from. Because we have taken the time to understand. There is that big word again, understand. I don’t think there is a great amount of people who don’t want to be understood and most of the time it is a small act that can validate the other person, a nod, a smile, a thank you. But if we stand in front of a person looking like a deer in headlights, surely the other person is going to wonder why their feelings are not being validate or acknowledged.

A relationship has to be cultivated. In other words if we don’t overturn the soil in a garden each year before we begin planting the seeds, the soil becomes stagnate. It needs to be fertilized and we as humans have the free will to overturn and fertilize all our relationships by validating each other, by acknowledging each other to some degree.

Sometimes to be acknowledged can be uncomfortable for the receiver, because it is so personal. It is a reflection of that person and at times we may not want to look inward, when we get so use to seeing ourselves in one particular way or learnt to be one particular way.

But if we keep in mind, like all the seeds in our garden, they do need sunshine and water to grow to be all they can be, like a child needs love and counts on we as adults to provide the necessities of life for them to grow, we as adults never stop growing, we evolve daily, in relationships or just for ourselves, for the better of both..

By remembering 2 little words..

Acknowledgement and Validate.

Where Do Ducks Go In The Winter ?

Where do Ducks go in the Winter ?, a famous question from a great book…

The Catcher in the Rye is a 1951 novel by J.D. Salinger.  A controversial novel originally published for adults, it has since become popular with adolescent readers for its themes of teenage angst and  alienation.  The novel also deals with complex issues of identity , belonging, loss and connection.

There is so many stages in our lives, so many changes and we all deal with them differently for the most part.

catcher

A friend of mine would read, The Catcher In The Rye, each time he made a big decision in his life and he could not answer why he did, he just did.

I began to read it and I was really enjoying it, but I set it aside with only 4 chapters left to read and that was 4 years ago. I guess I best pick up the book again and read it from front to back.

When we make changes in our lives, we ask alot of questions, some to others and most to ourselves, the who, whats, wheres and whens. Hopefully able to answer them or have them answered.

That question, “where do ducks go in the winter?”, was my friends way of saying he was going through changes in his life, once again.

We are creatures of habit, do you have something you do, out of habit when you’re going through changes in your life, that help you deal with change?

 

Married Women Of Class

awomanamongmen

For little over an year now, I have regularly went to Tim Horton’s for a morning coffee and met up with 4-7 friends at once. We discuss many subjects, from politics, children, religion, recipes, local events and daily tasks.

The one thing about this coffee group is, I am the only woman who sits on a regular basis. These men are either retired or may be off work that day and can join the group once in a while. The other thing about this gang is, 95% of the men are married and I am not.

Needless to say over the time this has become a regular thing, I know for fact, gossip has reared its ugly head. Which is just that, gossip and lies. I do not want anyone’s husband or any man that may sit at that table. To me they are like brothers.. OLDER brothers.. Ha-ha.

They give me advice, a man’s point of view on different subjects and at times even ask for my point of view, which is not often, because I give my point of view whether they ask for it or not.. J

The married men in the group, do love their wives and have nothing but great things to say about the women in their lives, married or not. This is something I admire so very much. It shows they are men of class. Yes, there are times, teasing about one or the other, being on a short leash, but that is all in fun.

I have not let the local gossip bother me, for 2 reasons, 3 of the spouses of these men, has actually joined the group for a coffee or short visit because they wanted to see who this Cy lady is, which their husband may quote at home or mention in a conversation.

These women are to me.. WOMEN OF CLASS!

Secondly, the men in the group have told me not to worry about the local gossip, it don’t matter what other people say.

Good friends are hard to find at times, male or female and I count my blessings when it comes to great friends, male of female.

I have seen what damage can be done by local gossipers and how they can cause harm to so many people.. IF we let them.

I don’t mind being, just one of the guys. I have no feelings of guilt for having male friends.

Shame on those people who waste time talking nonsense.. Real women raise each other up, not tear them down.

 

 

The Battle Is Over

rest in peace

I have said this before and will say it again…we all leave the battle broken, as does anyone who lives through any kind of trauma…they too come home broken. So how do you piece back together the broken man, woman or child?

First we must know that we will never be the same, even once we begin to put the pieces together, but through those cracks in our armour, little rays of light shine, rays of survival, rays of knowledge, that we can share with all those around us.

HE only sends his greatest soldiers into battle and to be whole again, there is something we have to do. To get over the stresses of battle, there is something we have to do. And it is something no one wants to do, because we don’t want to revisit that battle or battles.

It is.. Returning to the battle and retrieving your soul. We leave our souls in the battle field and come back, return home, live life, with a great sense of emptiness, because our souls are left on that battle field. So how do we retrieve our souls?

Admittance we feel empty, acceptance of help to regain the strength needed to retrieve and the greatest tool will be forgiveness..

To forgive ourselves first, then to forgive who we battled with, or what we battled with.. It’s okay to ask for help to return to get what is rightfully yours.. Your soul on the battle field.. Just ask.. And the Creator will send you help, because the battle is over and there is a brother or sister that will hold your hand, there is a spirit guide to map the way for you and once you do retrieve your lost soul, from the battle field..

There will be, only then, there will be.. Peace within.

 

 

Born An Angel – Raised a Devil

angle wings
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What a fantastic read I find by Terry Levy. It is so true what he says.. Read his thoughts and then lets find some answers..
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THE GENESIS OF ATTACHMENT ….By Terry Levy
Clinical Psychologist at Evergreen Psychotherapy Center

Before you were born you were floating warmly, comfortably, and securely in
your mother’s womb. You were snug, safe, and content. You basked in the
biochemical messages that you are loved, wanted, and all is well. Then
suddenly one day you were thrust into a frightening world of bright lights, loud
noises, and unfamiliar smells. To add insult to injury, you were torn away from
your source of security and abruptly poked and prodded. Finally, with great relief,
you are reunited with the familiar heartbeat and soothing voice that you have known
for nine months. You are held in loving arms and relax into adoring gazes and smiles.
You snuggle into the splendor of a soft warm breast and its life-giving nurturance.
Soon your sensitive and responsive caregivers learn which cry means “I’m hungry,”
“I’m uncomfortable,” or “Pick me up.” You and your caregivers are in-sync. You soon
realize you have the power to have an impact on your surroundings.
You experience that your needs will be met, and you learn patience and the
ability to manage your impulses and feelings. You learn to trust caregivers to
be reliable, the world to be safe and good, and to feel good about yourself. The
connections in your brain are developing and expanding. You begin to develop confidence, and over time, become independent, resilient, optimistic, and compassionate
toward others. You are on your way to becoming a responsible person, a good
friend, a loving spouse, and an affectionate parent.
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What happened to that innocent being? How did they become serial killers, terrorists, abusers? Society? Of so, society is us.. Is you.. Is me. What are we doing wrong? What is the solution to make sure we don’t end up with these killers and abusers? What’s the answers?

As B. Schwartz – Independent Mental Health Care Worker says..

”I am now a 75 year old psychotherapist (LCSW) with over 20 years in practice, but I was aware that students in high school needed to become familiar with how the moods and actions of caring for a child (pregnancy through emancipation and beyond) effect that child for a lifetime. Your pretty picture of how this works is unfortunately not true for many, many mothers and fathers and therefore their offspring… That’s why we do what we do. We try to unbend and reconstitute our clients/patients and help them heal from a crippling start…
Isn’t it???

1 Step Or 12 Steps?

aa876
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About a year ago, I met a man with his own beliefs on alcoholics and alcoholism. He said he wasn’t an alcoholic anymore because he quit drinking. So to me that meant he was in denial. And why do I say that?
Because I worked in addictions and come from a family of alcoholics.
To work in that field, I took it upon myself to read all the material, watch all the videos, talked to the clients and even did a mock profile. From Friday night to Monday morning, I was a night watch person at residential, having up to 14 clients in my care and seen that programming was done as well. During the rest of the week I worked in administration as a counsellor trainee. I was learning from both sides of the coin, the addicts and the counsellor.
Most recently I seen a commercial with regards to a center that agrees with the logic of this gentleman I had met a year ago. I am not going to give the name of the center because I don’t want to promote something I don’t believe in. However I will give you an idea of their philosophy

They do not believe that drug and alcohol dependency is a disease. Instead, they believe it is the result of one or more of the following four causes:

Chemical imbalance
Unresolved events from the past
Beliefs you hold that are inconsistent with what is true
Inability to cope with current conditions

That, anyone who is abusing drugs and alcohol is doing so because of one or more of these four causes. Through extensive research and direct experience, they believe addiction is not the primary problem but rather the symptom of a deeper underlying issue.
They believe that addiction was viewed as an incurable disease accompanied by hopelessness, stigma, and shame. That they have found a better way. Instead, they approach addiction as a completely treatable condition.

These centers offer these treatments –

Acupressure and Massage
Acupuncture
Adventure therapy
Art therapy
Biochemical repair
Blood chemistry analysis
Chemical dependency counselling
Equine assisted therapy
Hypnotherapy
Life purpose therapy
Marriage and family therapy
Meditation therapy
Nutrition counselling
Physical fitness
Psychotherapy
Ropes course
Sound therapy
Spiritual counselling
Tai chi
Yoga

They also have, stores on location, bookstores that offer Books, Audio CDs, and Merchandise such as hoodies and T-shirts. With statements such as,
Give yourself or a loved one the gift of empowerment today!!..

Then you have the AA 12 step program, with ONE book, The Big Book, each client reading the same book and at times while in the program given another book to read while at the center that will focus on an issue they are having. But the entire program is focusing on the individual and their minds are not clouded with all this glorified products, costing a client dollars, along with massages and such.
Going for treatment is not a holiday!

Alcoholics Anonymous is a voluntary, worldwide fellowship of men and women from all walks of life who meet together to attain and maintain sobriety. The only requirement for membership is a desire to strop drinking. There are no dues or fees for A.A. membership.
By keeping alcohol out of their systems, newcomers take care of one part of their illness – their bodies have a chance to get well. There is another part. If they are going to stay sober, they need healthy minds and healthy emotions, too. So they begin to straighten out their confused thinking and unhappy feelings by following A.A.’s “Twelve Steps” to recovery. These Steps suggest ideas and actions that can guide alcoholics toward happy and useful lives.
And the 12 steps are..

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

AA members will usually emphasize to newcomers that only problem drinkers themselves, individually, can determine whether or not they are in fact alcoholics.

At the same time, it will be pointed out that all available medical testimony indicates that alcoholism is a progressive illness, that it CANNOT BE CURED in the ordinary sense of the term, but that it can be arrested through total abstinence from alcohol in any form.

So I guess at the end of the day, it is up to the individual, do you want the spa like treatment or a program where, The heart of it is of personal recovery and is contained in Twelve Steps?

Single? ~ Don’t Say It Like It’s A Bad Thing

November 2015, will be my 10 year being single anniversary.. Wow! How time is flying. They say not to look ahead, concentrate on this moment and I do, but after a certain age, you begin to wonder about any tomorrows you’re blessed with..LOL..

The 10th year is known as, traditionally called the tin or aluminium anniversary. On the modern list, it is referred to as the diamond jewellery anniversary. I have to laugh at that.. Tin or aluminium?.. I thought it was, a Knight in Shining Armour!? But I am liking the diamond idea. Just maybe over the next year I will be courted and presented with a diamond in 2015 by my Knight to end the long drought!..lol..