Come to Me!

The paragraph below was written by an addict.. what she believed her addiction was saying to her or would say to her if it could talk. Be warned it is very heart breaking. Would you want to hear the voice of your addiction? **********************************************************************************************
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I hate meetings.. I hate a Higher Power. I hate anyone who has a program. To all who come into contact with me, I wish suffering and I wish death.

Allow me to introduce myself. I am the disease of addiction. Cunning, baffling and powerful, that’s me.
I love to catch you with the element of surprise. I love pretending I am your friend and lover. I have given you comfort,, have I not? Wasn’t I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn’t you call me? I was there.

I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love to make you so numb you can neither hurt nor cry. When you can’t feel anything at all, this is true glory!

I will give you instant gratification and all that I ask of you is long-term suffering. I’ve been there for you always. When things weren’t going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn’t deserve these good things and I was the only one who would agree with you. Together we were able to destroy all things good in your life.

People don’t take me seriously. The take strokes seriously, heart attacks seriously, even diabetes they take seriously. Good that they are, they do not know that without my help many of these things would not be made possible.

I am such a hated disease, and yet I do not come uninvited. You choose to have me. So many have chosen me over reality and peace.

More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a Twelve Step Program your meetings, your Higher Power, all weaken me, and I cannot function in the manner I am accustomed to.

Now I must lie here quietly. You don’t see me, but I am growing, bigger than ever. When you only exist, I may live. When you live, I only exist.

But I am here.. And until we meet again, if we meet .. Again,

I wish you suffering and death.
—-by Tonya Rix

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Stronger Relationships

man2

If I have an itch I scratch it

If I have a thought, I express it.

That is just the way I am.

And now turning 53 years young on March 6th, I am thinking of what hasn’t changed in my life and what has changed. Whether for the better or the worse. I truly believe my relationships have changed and I am going to say for the better. My relationships with man woman and or child. And it is not because they have changed, it is because I have. When it comes to emotional relationships, I do tend to want what I put in, back from the other person, mainly, respect. And I do get it back 99% of the time. When I don’t, then I back away from the relationship, blood related or not. Some times 2 people are just not on the same page in life. You can’t fit a square peg into a round hole. I think most relationships go bad, end bad, because there is all this forcing of trying to make them work. One or the other is ramming that square peg and it is just not going in, leaving one or both hurt, angry and resentful.

I have faith that if a relationship is right for both, not perfect, but truly functional, two people can agree to disagree with ease and not hold grudges.

man3

I have come to realize that no matter how much times have changed, no matter how strong and independent a woman may become over the years., with education, a career and meeting all the expectations she sets on herself, she still wants a man who is stronger. Which can be hard at times because the woman has trained herself to be her own leader, self-sufficient that on the days when she just wishes for that strong man, it is still hard for her to give into that. It is no secret that to be able to submit to someone, you have to respect them, trust them, allow them to take the reins maybe 90% of the time.

I really think in the past 50 years women have climbed the ladder of life, we have proven ourselves 10 fold and not that we should have had anything to prove to anyone else than ourselves, but we did it, we know we can do it, we know we can live a life or security by ourselves and raise children if it came down to that. However we are not born to be alone. We all need partners or there will forever be an empty space in our hearts. Many will argue that point with me, and I will gladly take on debate with regards.

So next, what role does a man play in a strong woman’s life? He was born to be a leader, a care taker naturally and do a degree over those 50 years, they have been stripped of certain duties and have become more of the submissive part, accepting the female for the strong being she is in all aspects of their life. Yet at the end of the day, both are still sitting on the edge of the chairs, sensing something is just not right.

man7

I am not saying men are correct or the woman is correct. I just believe we all have roles to play and when we take someone’s authority away, their sense of responsibility fades away also. And then when a woman is looking for that, strong partner, he is not there, because so much of his authority was set on her shoulders and then she gets upset because he is not acting responsible in the relationship. And that is something that can not be denied. I can’t count how many times we women complain about what our partners don’t do in the relationship and what they do that just irks us to no end. We complain over and over.

Then I see those relationships, where the woman does work out of the home, the man works out of the home, but once she is done her 8 hours at work, she can come home and know that her partner will take on his authority roll to rule the roost, whether it be with the children, sons and daughters, both needing to see the strength of their father for the life they will lead when they leave home. So the son knows how to be responsible, how to treat any female in his life and the daughter sees how she should be treated by any male that may come into her life, respectful and made to feel like a queen, leading her to treat her partner like a king.

As for my single friends and myself being single, I have learnt to seek a man, who, has grown into the image of my Higher Power/God at this age. I say that because I know that God will not judge me, will accept me for who I am , for all my shortcomings, for just being me! I am not perfect, no man is perfect, but the love we share together can be perfect, when we learn to let down the walls that we built and just love.

I posted a graphic sometime ago and it said..

I will dance with God and he will let the perfect man for me cut in.